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Thursday, June 3, 2010
Reviving Our Sense of Gheerah
Reviving Our Sense of Gheerah
By Fatima Barakatullah
We live in societies in which most men and women have lost their sense of modesty, women are obsessed with their appearances and wear clothes to be seen by others and to attract the attention of other men even if they are married! They have lost their sense of shame. Marriage is often looked upon as old-fashioned and short term affairs and frivolous relationships are the norm, everyone waiting to attract a better partner and feeling totally justified to dump one partner for another at the drop of a hat. Feminism too has reached its peak and men and women are told to suppress their natural emotions. Men are not even embarrassed when their wives are dressed up and attract the attention of other men, they don’t mind if another man sees, chats, laughs and even dances with their womenfolk and if they do mind, they are told not to be so possessive!
In Islam we have a concept of Gheerah. Gheerah is an Arabic word which means protectiveness or jealousy. It is a good type of jealousy, like when a man feels jealous or protective over his wife or sisters and other-womenfolk and doesn’t like other men to look at them. It is a natural inbuilt feeling Allah has given men and women. The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) had the most Gheerah for his wives and all of the companions were known for their Gheerah.
All Muslim men should have a collective sense of protectiveness for Muslim women as Allah says in the Qur’an, the meaning of which is: “The Men are the protectors and maintainers of women…” (Surah An-Nisaa, Ayah 34).
Men who do not care about how their women behave and appear in front of other men and don’t enforce hijaab upon their wives or women-folk are called Dayyooth. Being a Dayyooth is a major sin and a detailed discription of this evil characteristic can be found in adh-Dhahabee’s book of Major Sins (Kitaab ul-Kabaa’ir).
A Story of Gheerah
To further understand the quality of Gheerah, we can look at an incident that Asmaa’ radiallahu 'anhaa) the daughter of Abu Bakr As-Siddeeq (radiallahu 'anhu) and sister of Aisha (radiallaahu 'anhaa), relates about herself. Abu Bakr was a wealthy merchant and he married his daughter Asmaa’ to the great companion Az-Zubayr ibn al-‘Awwam (radiallahu 'anhu) who was a very poor man but a man of great piety and one of the companions who were promised Paradise.
Asmaa’ relates: “When az-Zubayr married me, he had neither land nor wealth nor slave…”, so Asmaa’ had to work very hard kneading dough, going far off to get water. “And I used to carry on my head,” she continues, “the date stones from the land of az-Zubair which Allah’s Messenger (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) had endowed him and it was a distance of two miles from Madeenah. One day, as I was carrying the date-stones upon my head, I happened to meet Allah’s Messenger (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam), along with a group of his Companions. He called me and told the camel to sit down so that he could make me ride behind him. I felt shy to go with men and I remembered az-Zubair and his Gheerah and he was a man having the most Gheerah. The Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) understood my shyness and left. I came to az-Zubair and said: “The Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) met me as I was carrying date-stones upon my head and there was with him a group of his Companions. He told the camel to kneel so that I could mount it, but I felt shy and I remembered your Gheerah.” So Asmaa’ declined the offer made by the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam). Upon this az-Zubair said: “By Allah, the thought of you carrying date-stones upon your head is more severe a burden on me than you riding with him.” (related in Saheeh Al-Bukhari)
Look at the sense of dignity and modesty of Asmaa’! See how she felt shy in front of men? See how careful she was about her husband’s feelings? She knew that her husband had a lot of Gheerah so she didn’t want to upset him by accepting the Prophet’s (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) help even though the Prophet was the purest of men and even though it meant bringing hardship on herself! And look at Az-Zubair (radiallahu 'anhu), even though he had a lot of Gheerah, he didn’t want to inconvenience his wife. What a beautiful relationship they had!
Nurturing Our Sense of Gheerah
Sometimes Muslim women don’t understand if their menfolk want them to cover their faces or if they ask them to change something about the way they dress or speak in public, thinking that the men are being over-protective. But my dear sisters! If your husband asks you not to wear a certain colour of khimaar because it brings out the beauty of your eyes, or if he wants you to cover your face – by Allah, be thankful! Be proud of the fact that your husband has a sense of Gheerah for you and that he values you and cares for your hereafter. He knows what men can be like more than you do and so never try and suppress his Gheerah in these types of matters. And his concern for you should incite your own sense of honor! Why should any man be able to see your beauty and think indecent thoughts about you? We must nurture our own and our menfolk’s sense of Gheerah by behaving and dressing modestly ourselves and paying attention to their valid opinions. We expect certain behavior from them and they expect it of us. And besides, if our husband asks us to do something that it not haraam, we must do it.
And Brothers! How can you allow your wife or sister to walk around attracting the attentions and evil-thoughts of other men? How can you not mind if she smiles as she talks to other men. Nobody has the right to enjoy her and her company but you and her Maharim men. You are not being overbearing if you first encourage and then enforce the hijaab on your womenfolk because YOU will be asked about it on the Day of Judgement and it is also a major sin upon YOU! It is upon the men to enforce these things in their homes and you cannot use the excuse that your wife didn’t want to. Women need a firm, balanced, guiding hand from their men, so with wisdom you must enforce hijaab in your home. You are a shepherd and are responsible for your flock! Allah reminds us all in the Qur’an, the meaning of which is: “Oh you who believe, Protect yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones.” (At-Tahreem, Aayah 6)
There is a big difference between how Islam values and protects women and how cheaply women are treated outside of Islam! As Muslims we have to be careful that our Hayaa’ (sense of modesty and shame) and Gheerah don’t wear out in a society in which people have lost it.
By Fatima Barakatullah
We live in societies in which most men and women have lost their sense of modesty, women are obsessed with their appearances and wear clothes to be seen by others and to attract the attention of other men even if they are married! They have lost their sense of shame. Marriage is often looked upon as old-fashioned and short term affairs and frivolous relationships are the norm, everyone waiting to attract a better partner and feeling totally justified to dump one partner for another at the drop of a hat. Feminism too has reached its peak and men and women are told to suppress their natural emotions. Men are not even embarrassed when their wives are dressed up and attract the attention of other men, they don’t mind if another man sees, chats, laughs and even dances with their womenfolk and if they do mind, they are told not to be so possessive!
In Islam we have a concept of Gheerah. Gheerah is an Arabic word which means protectiveness or jealousy. It is a good type of jealousy, like when a man feels jealous or protective over his wife or sisters and other-womenfolk and doesn’t like other men to look at them. It is a natural inbuilt feeling Allah has given men and women. The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) had the most Gheerah for his wives and all of the companions were known for their Gheerah.
All Muslim men should have a collective sense of protectiveness for Muslim women as Allah says in the Qur’an, the meaning of which is: “The Men are the protectors and maintainers of women…” (Surah An-Nisaa, Ayah 34).
Men who do not care about how their women behave and appear in front of other men and don’t enforce hijaab upon their wives or women-folk are called Dayyooth. Being a Dayyooth is a major sin and a detailed discription of this evil characteristic can be found in adh-Dhahabee’s book of Major Sins (Kitaab ul-Kabaa’ir).
A Story of Gheerah
To further understand the quality of Gheerah, we can look at an incident that Asmaa’ radiallahu 'anhaa) the daughter of Abu Bakr As-Siddeeq (radiallahu 'anhu) and sister of Aisha (radiallaahu 'anhaa), relates about herself. Abu Bakr was a wealthy merchant and he married his daughter Asmaa’ to the great companion Az-Zubayr ibn al-‘Awwam (radiallahu 'anhu) who was a very poor man but a man of great piety and one of the companions who were promised Paradise.
Asmaa’ relates: “When az-Zubayr married me, he had neither land nor wealth nor slave…”, so Asmaa’ had to work very hard kneading dough, going far off to get water. “And I used to carry on my head,” she continues, “the date stones from the land of az-Zubair which Allah’s Messenger (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) had endowed him and it was a distance of two miles from Madeenah. One day, as I was carrying the date-stones upon my head, I happened to meet Allah’s Messenger (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam), along with a group of his Companions. He called me and told the camel to sit down so that he could make me ride behind him. I felt shy to go with men and I remembered az-Zubair and his Gheerah and he was a man having the most Gheerah. The Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) understood my shyness and left. I came to az-Zubair and said: “The Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) met me as I was carrying date-stones upon my head and there was with him a group of his Companions. He told the camel to kneel so that I could mount it, but I felt shy and I remembered your Gheerah.” So Asmaa’ declined the offer made by the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam). Upon this az-Zubair said: “By Allah, the thought of you carrying date-stones upon your head is more severe a burden on me than you riding with him.” (related in Saheeh Al-Bukhari)
Look at the sense of dignity and modesty of Asmaa’! See how she felt shy in front of men? See how careful she was about her husband’s feelings? She knew that her husband had a lot of Gheerah so she didn’t want to upset him by accepting the Prophet’s (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) help even though the Prophet was the purest of men and even though it meant bringing hardship on herself! And look at Az-Zubair (radiallahu 'anhu), even though he had a lot of Gheerah, he didn’t want to inconvenience his wife. What a beautiful relationship they had!
Nurturing Our Sense of Gheerah
Sometimes Muslim women don’t understand if their menfolk want them to cover their faces or if they ask them to change something about the way they dress or speak in public, thinking that the men are being over-protective. But my dear sisters! If your husband asks you not to wear a certain colour of khimaar because it brings out the beauty of your eyes, or if he wants you to cover your face – by Allah, be thankful! Be proud of the fact that your husband has a sense of Gheerah for you and that he values you and cares for your hereafter. He knows what men can be like more than you do and so never try and suppress his Gheerah in these types of matters. And his concern for you should incite your own sense of honor! Why should any man be able to see your beauty and think indecent thoughts about you? We must nurture our own and our menfolk’s sense of Gheerah by behaving and dressing modestly ourselves and paying attention to their valid opinions. We expect certain behavior from them and they expect it of us. And besides, if our husband asks us to do something that it not haraam, we must do it.
And Brothers! How can you allow your wife or sister to walk around attracting the attentions and evil-thoughts of other men? How can you not mind if she smiles as she talks to other men. Nobody has the right to enjoy her and her company but you and her Maharim men. You are not being overbearing if you first encourage and then enforce the hijaab on your womenfolk because YOU will be asked about it on the Day of Judgement and it is also a major sin upon YOU! It is upon the men to enforce these things in their homes and you cannot use the excuse that your wife didn’t want to. Women need a firm, balanced, guiding hand from their men, so with wisdom you must enforce hijaab in your home. You are a shepherd and are responsible for your flock! Allah reminds us all in the Qur’an, the meaning of which is: “Oh you who believe, Protect yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones.” (At-Tahreem, Aayah 6)
There is a big difference between how Islam values and protects women and how cheaply women are treated outside of Islam! As Muslims we have to be careful that our Hayaa’ (sense of modesty and shame) and Gheerah don’t wear out in a society in which people have lost it.
www.doshiza.com
Abd al-Malik (Radiyallaahu 'anhaa) said: "When ‘Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most highly respected leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah, married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn ‘Amr al-Kindi, as she was made ready to be taken to the groom, her mother, Umamah came into her room to advise her and said:
"O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you posses these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.
"O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father's wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.
"O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion to whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you, he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.
"Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you:
"The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one's husband pleases Allah.
"The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be
found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.
"The fifth and sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.
"The seventh and eight of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.
"The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be
filled with hatred towards you.
"Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment whilst the latter will make him unhappy.
"O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you posses these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.
"O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father's wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.
"O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion to whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you, he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.
"Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you:
"The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one's husband pleases Allah.
"The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be
found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.
"The fifth and sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.
"The seventh and eight of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.
"The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be
filled with hatred towards you.
"Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment whilst the latter will make him unhappy.
35 Gift Ideas for a Muslim Woman
35 Gift Ideas for a Muslim Woman
By Wael Abdelgawad
Can't decide what to get your wife for Eid, or your anniversary, or her birthday?
Why is gift-giving so hard for men? Maybe it's a part of the mystery that women represent to us. We don't always understand how they think, or what moves them.
When it comes to gift-giving, at least, here's a big hint for you: listen.
Are you waiting for the hint? No, that was the hint. Listen.
Women will tell you what they want, if you pay attention. Next time you're passing a shop window and she says, "Oh, look at those shoes, those are lovely," make a note of it. Next time you're watching a travel show and she says, "Wouldn't it wonderful to see Niagara Falls someday?", pay attention. Women drop hints like this all the time. And when I say make a note of it, I mean literally. Keep a small notebook in a private place, and every time she drops a little hint, write it down. That way you'll never be short of gift ideas.
If youre the average Ahmed who can't be bothered with all that, and now you find yourself in a bind, here are some gift ideas that most women would love. I'll start off with the ones that cost nothign at all (or very little), and move on to ideas that will require you to break out the wallet:
1. A picnic. Plan it well, with good food, a comfortable blanket, and some books or games to pass the time as you relax in the shade.
2. Make a card. Don't just buy a Hallmark card. Make your own, draw a flower on it, and write something loving and heartfelt. It will only take you a couple of hours, no longer than it would to shop for something, and she will keep it forever, I guarantee it.
3. Take your wife someplace that has meaning for the two of you, like the first place you met, or the first house you lived in. Alternatively, take her to her childhood home or playground and let her share with you her reminiscences and memories.
4. Write her a poem. Take your time and try to write something sincere and personal.
5. Bake your wife a batch of chocolate chip cookies. This is a much nicer than just buying chocolate, and is an especially sweet gesture if you don't know much about cooking and have to work at it. Just make sure the cookies are edible!
6. Do you know how to cook? Cook her dinner, or bake a pie or cake, or some special sweet from your culture.
7. A nice dress or skirt, hijab scarf, a classy overcoat or jacket. www.doshiza.com has some beautiful clothing, like this linen tunic suit in the photo.
8. Take her shoe shopping. Women always love shoes! And I don't mean sneakers, but dress shoes. Women are notoriously choosy about their shoes, however, so don't try to pick out a pair on your own unless you know your wife's tastes and size very well.
9. A new purse or handbag. This is a rather personal choice for a woman, so make sure you retain the receipt so she can exchange it for something more to her liking.
10. A nice belt. Some women like belts and handbags even more than clothing, and love to have belts in various colors to complement their outfits.
11. Jewelry. It doesn't have to be terribly expensive. I once got my wife (ex-wife now) a turquoise necklace for $100 or so. Oh yes, she loved it (the divorce was over something else entirely, lol). I recently read an article on a stone called tanzanite. It's beautiful, natural, and not too pricey.
12. A new Quran with a wooden Quran stand, and handmade dhikr prayer beads for tasbeeha.
13. An Islamic artwork of some kind. I don't mean a framed poster of the Ka'bah (nothing wrong with that, I have one on my own wall, but it doesn't have that personal touch). I'm thinking more on the lines of a hand-painted canvas, calligraphy, engraved copperplate, engraved brass lamp, a mother-of-pearl plate or Islamic silver plate, etc. These can be hard to find in your locality but can sometimes be ordered online. The beautiful painting above depicts an old Arab home. It was painted by Abdallah Masad and is available at www.Doshiza.com
14.
15. A personalized photo locket. This would be a small metal locket on a chain, perhaps in a heart shape, with a personalized engraving on the outside, and a small photo inside.
16. Dinner at a nice restaurant. Someplace you would not go every day. It's always good to support Muslim-owned restaurants and Muslim businesses in general, if you have any in your area.
17. A beautiful flower vase, with fresh flowers in it.
18. A potted plant. Not something ordinary in a plastic pot, but something unusual like a bonsai, or a beautiful orchid, in an attractive ceramic planter.
19. A decorative photo frame with a photo of the two of you.
20. Is she a collector? If there's any type of art or craft that she likes or collects, get her one. Does she collect coins, stamps, glass figurines, home decorations with chickens on them (I'm not making that up)? Get her one.
21. A weekend trip somewhere. Even if you're not ready to go right now, make the reservations or by the tickets and let her know.
22. A new watch.
23. A pair of women's designer sunglasses.
24. If she likes gadgets, how about a new mobile phone, a Bluetooth mobile phone earpiece, a slim digital camera to fit in her purse, or even a laptop computer?
25. If she's into fitness, how about a new yoga mat, a bicycle, hiking shoes, tennis racket, etc? But only if she's already into it! Otherwise she'll take it as a hint that she's overweight :-)
26. If she's a working woman, how about a new briefcase? This tells her that you value and respect her work.
27. A set of natural bath products like soap, shampoo, bubble bath. Please try to buy cruelty-free products (not tested on animals).
28. Perfume oils. It helps if you know what she likes. If you don't, check what she's already got. Smell them and get to know the scents so you can pick something similar. But honestly, every husband should know his wife's favorite perfume.
29. A tea set, meaning tea pot, tea cups, and a collection of herbal teas.
30. A scented massage oil along with three handmade coupons saying, "Good for one massage on demand from your loving husband."
31. A gourmet basket with some of her favorite food treats, such as chocolates, cheeses, strawberries, or whatever you know to be her favorite tastes.
32. An attractive or artsy candle set, the kind they have in gift shops.
33. A subscription to a magazine for Muslim women, such as Aziza Magazine.
34. I'm hesitant to suggest this one because some women take it the wrong way or think it's unromantic, but something for the kitchen. A new kitchen appliance like a top-quality food processor, a set of quality cookware, etc. This is best for a woman who enjoys cooking.
35. In the same vein as #34, a set of Egyptian cotton towels for the bathrooms. These are wonderfully soft, but again it might be perceived as unromantic, so watch out. Caveat emptor!
36. An iPod that you have pre-loaded with Quran recitation by her favorite reciter, some of her favorite nasheeds, some good radio shows, etc. This is a wonderful gift for a woman who commutes, or who spends time every day on a treadmill, or even just to listen to while working or doing chores. This gift will take some money and some time to put together, but will give her hours of pleasure.
What NOT to get a Muslim woman as a gift:
1. Anything for cleaning the house, such as a vacuum cleaner, broom, mop, etc. This is like telling her that you see her only as a maid. Those things should be part of the normal household expenses, not gifts.
2. Groceries. True, if you don't normally do it then the gesture is nice, but it's too prosaic.
3. A sexy nightie. Not that this is un-Islamic, but it just seems a little tacky to me. It's like it's more for you than for her, if you get my meaning.
4. Anything that is really about you more than her, like a CD of your favorite band, a game box, a flat screen TV, etc. If you think that you might end up using it more than her, then chuck it and keep looking.
5. A "cool Muslim star and crescent cigarette lighter". Yes, I actually saw this on a website listed under "Muslim gifts."
Remember, pay attention and listen, and you'll never be short of gift ideas in the future.
By Wael Abdelgawad
Can't decide what to get your wife for Eid, or your anniversary, or her birthday?
Why is gift-giving so hard for men? Maybe it's a part of the mystery that women represent to us. We don't always understand how they think, or what moves them.
When it comes to gift-giving, at least, here's a big hint for you: listen.
Are you waiting for the hint? No, that was the hint. Listen.
Women will tell you what they want, if you pay attention. Next time you're passing a shop window and she says, "Oh, look at those shoes, those are lovely," make a note of it. Next time you're watching a travel show and she says, "Wouldn't it wonderful to see Niagara Falls someday?", pay attention. Women drop hints like this all the time. And when I say make a note of it, I mean literally. Keep a small notebook in a private place, and every time she drops a little hint, write it down. That way you'll never be short of gift ideas.
If youre the average Ahmed who can't be bothered with all that, and now you find yourself in a bind, here are some gift ideas that most women would love. I'll start off with the ones that cost nothign at all (or very little), and move on to ideas that will require you to break out the wallet:
1. A picnic. Plan it well, with good food, a comfortable blanket, and some books or games to pass the time as you relax in the shade.
2. Make a card. Don't just buy a Hallmark card. Make your own, draw a flower on it, and write something loving and heartfelt. It will only take you a couple of hours, no longer than it would to shop for something, and she will keep it forever, I guarantee it.
3. Take your wife someplace that has meaning for the two of you, like the first place you met, or the first house you lived in. Alternatively, take her to her childhood home or playground and let her share with you her reminiscences and memories.
4. Write her a poem. Take your time and try to write something sincere and personal.
5. Bake your wife a batch of chocolate chip cookies. This is a much nicer than just buying chocolate, and is an especially sweet gesture if you don't know much about cooking and have to work at it. Just make sure the cookies are edible!
6. Do you know how to cook? Cook her dinner, or bake a pie or cake, or some special sweet from your culture.
7. A nice dress or skirt, hijab scarf, a classy overcoat or jacket. www.doshiza.com has some beautiful clothing, like this linen tunic suit in the photo.
8. Take her shoe shopping. Women always love shoes! And I don't mean sneakers, but dress shoes. Women are notoriously choosy about their shoes, however, so don't try to pick out a pair on your own unless you know your wife's tastes and size very well.
9. A new purse or handbag. This is a rather personal choice for a woman, so make sure you retain the receipt so she can exchange it for something more to her liking.
10. A nice belt. Some women like belts and handbags even more than clothing, and love to have belts in various colors to complement their outfits.
11. Jewelry. It doesn't have to be terribly expensive. I once got my wife (ex-wife now) a turquoise necklace for $100 or so. Oh yes, she loved it (the divorce was over something else entirely, lol). I recently read an article on a stone called tanzanite. It's beautiful, natural, and not too pricey.
12. A new Quran with a wooden Quran stand, and handmade dhikr prayer beads for tasbeeha.
13. An Islamic artwork of some kind. I don't mean a framed poster of the Ka'bah (nothing wrong with that, I have one on my own wall, but it doesn't have that personal touch). I'm thinking more on the lines of a hand-painted canvas, calligraphy, engraved copperplate, engraved brass lamp, a mother-of-pearl plate or Islamic silver plate, etc. These can be hard to find in your locality but can sometimes be ordered online. The beautiful painting above depicts an old Arab home. It was painted by Abdallah Masad and is available at www.Doshiza.com
14.
15. A personalized photo locket. This would be a small metal locket on a chain, perhaps in a heart shape, with a personalized engraving on the outside, and a small photo inside.
16. Dinner at a nice restaurant. Someplace you would not go every day. It's always good to support Muslim-owned restaurants and Muslim businesses in general, if you have any in your area.
17. A beautiful flower vase, with fresh flowers in it.
18. A potted plant. Not something ordinary in a plastic pot, but something unusual like a bonsai, or a beautiful orchid, in an attractive ceramic planter.
19. A decorative photo frame with a photo of the two of you.
20. Is she a collector? If there's any type of art or craft that she likes or collects, get her one. Does she collect coins, stamps, glass figurines, home decorations with chickens on them (I'm not making that up)? Get her one.
21. A weekend trip somewhere. Even if you're not ready to go right now, make the reservations or by the tickets and let her know.
22. A new watch.
23. A pair of women's designer sunglasses.
24. If she likes gadgets, how about a new mobile phone, a Bluetooth mobile phone earpiece, a slim digital camera to fit in her purse, or even a laptop computer?
25. If she's into fitness, how about a new yoga mat, a bicycle, hiking shoes, tennis racket, etc? But only if she's already into it! Otherwise she'll take it as a hint that she's overweight :-)
26. If she's a working woman, how about a new briefcase? This tells her that you value and respect her work.
27. A set of natural bath products like soap, shampoo, bubble bath. Please try to buy cruelty-free products (not tested on animals).
28. Perfume oils. It helps if you know what she likes. If you don't, check what she's already got. Smell them and get to know the scents so you can pick something similar. But honestly, every husband should know his wife's favorite perfume.
29. A tea set, meaning tea pot, tea cups, and a collection of herbal teas.
30. A scented massage oil along with three handmade coupons saying, "Good for one massage on demand from your loving husband."
31. A gourmet basket with some of her favorite food treats, such as chocolates, cheeses, strawberries, or whatever you know to be her favorite tastes.
32. An attractive or artsy candle set, the kind they have in gift shops.
33. A subscription to a magazine for Muslim women, such as Aziza Magazine.
34. I'm hesitant to suggest this one because some women take it the wrong way or think it's unromantic, but something for the kitchen. A new kitchen appliance like a top-quality food processor, a set of quality cookware, etc. This is best for a woman who enjoys cooking.
35. In the same vein as #34, a set of Egyptian cotton towels for the bathrooms. These are wonderfully soft, but again it might be perceived as unromantic, so watch out. Caveat emptor!
36. An iPod that you have pre-loaded with Quran recitation by her favorite reciter, some of her favorite nasheeds, some good radio shows, etc. This is a wonderful gift for a woman who commutes, or who spends time every day on a treadmill, or even just to listen to while working or doing chores. This gift will take some money and some time to put together, but will give her hours of pleasure.
What NOT to get a Muslim woman as a gift:
1. Anything for cleaning the house, such as a vacuum cleaner, broom, mop, etc. This is like telling her that you see her only as a maid. Those things should be part of the normal household expenses, not gifts.
2. Groceries. True, if you don't normally do it then the gesture is nice, but it's too prosaic.
3. A sexy nightie. Not that this is un-Islamic, but it just seems a little tacky to me. It's like it's more for you than for her, if you get my meaning.
4. Anything that is really about you more than her, like a CD of your favorite band, a game box, a flat screen TV, etc. If you think that you might end up using it more than her, then chuck it and keep looking.
5. A "cool Muslim star and crescent cigarette lighter". Yes, I actually saw this on a website listed under "Muslim gifts."
Remember, pay attention and listen, and you'll never be short of gift ideas in the future.
An-Nikah The Marriage
An-Nikah
The Marriage
__________________________
by Mohammad Mazhar Hussaini
Mutual Agreement of Bride and Groom
Marriage (nikah) is a solemn and sacred social contract between bride and groom. This contract is a strong covenant (mithaqun Ghalithun) as expressed in Quran 4:21). The marriage contract in Islam is not a sacrament. It is revocable.
Both parties mutually agree and enter into this contract. Both bride and groom have the liberty to define various terms and conditions of their liking and make them a part of this contract.
Mahr
The marriage-gift (Mahr) is a divine injunction. The giving of mahr to the bride by the groom is an essential part of the contract.
'And give the women (on marriage) their mahr as a (nikah) free gift" (Quran 4:4)
Mahr is a token commitment of the husband's responsibility and may be paid in cash, property or movable objects to the bride herself. The amount of mahr is not legally specified, however, moderation according to the existing social norm is recommended. The mahr may be paid immediately to the bride at the time of marriage, or deferred to a later date, or a combination of both. The deferred mahr however, falls due in case of death or divorce.
One matrimonial party expresses 'ijab" willing consent to enter into marriage and the other party expresses 'qubul" acceptance of the responsibility in the assembly of marriage ceremony. The contract is written and signed by the bride and the groom and their two respective witnesses. This written marriage contract ("Aqd-Nikah) is then announced publicly.
Sermon
The assembly of nikah is addressed with a marriage sermon (khutba-tun-nikah) by the Muslim officiating the marriage. In marriage societies, customarily, a state appointed Muslim judge (Qadi) officiates the nikah ceremony and keeps the record of the marriage contract. However any trust worthy practicing Muslim can conduct the nikah ceremony, as Islam does not advocate priesthood. The documents of marriage contract/certificate are filed with the mosque (masjid) and local government for record.
Prophet Muhammad (S) made it his tradition (sunnah) to have marriage sermon delivered in the assembly to solemnize the marriage. The sermon invites the bride and the groom, as well as the participating guests in the assembly to a life of piety, mutual love, kindness, and social responsibility.
The Khutbah-tun-Nikah begins with the praise of Allah. His help and guidance is sought. The Muslim confession of faith that 'There is none worthy of worship except Allah and Muhammad is His servant and messenger" is declared. The three Quranic verses (Quran 4:1, 3:102, 33:70-71) and one Prophetic saying (hadith) form the main text of the marriage. This hadith is:
'By Allah! Among all of you I am the most God-fearing, and among you all, I am the supermost to save myself from the wrath of Allah, yet my state is that I observe prayer and sleep too. I observe fast and suspend observing them; I marry woman also. And he who turns away from my Sunnah has no relation with me". (Bukhari)
The Muslim officiating the marriage ceremony concludes the ceremony with prayer (Dua) for bride, groom, their respective families, the local Muslim community, and the Muslim community at large (Ummah)
Marriage (nikah) is considered as an act of worship (ibadah). It is virtuous to conduct it in a Mosque keeping the ceremony simple. The marriage ceremony is a social as well as a religious activity. Islam advocates simplicity in ceremonies and celebrations.
Prophet Muhammad (S) considered simple weddings the best weddings:
'The best wedding is that upon which the least trouble and expense is bestowed". (Mishkat)
Primary Requirements
1) Mutual agreement (Ijab-O-Qubul) by the bride and the groom
2) Two adult and sane witnesses
3) Mahr (marriage-gift) to be paid by the groom to the bride either immediately (muajjal) or deferred (muakhkhar), or a combination of both
Secondary Requirements
1) Legal guardian (wakeel) representing the bride
2) Written marriage contract ("Aqd-Nikah) signed by the bride and the groom and witnesses by two adult and sane witnesses
3) Qadi (State appointed Muslim judge) or Ma'zoon (a responsible person officiating the marriage ceremony)
4) Khutba-tun-Nikah to solemnize the marriage
The Marriage Banquet (Walima)
After the consummation of the marriage, the groom holds a banquet called a walima. The relatives, neighbors, and friends are invited in order to make them aware of the marriage. Both rich and poor of the family and community are invited to the marriage feasts.
Prophet Muhammad (S) said:
'The worst of the feasts are those marriage feasts to which the rich are invited and the poor are left out". (Mishkat)
It is recommended that Muslims attend marriage ceremonies and marriage feasts upon invitation.
Prophet Muhammad (S) said:
"...and he who refuses to accept an invitation to a marriage feast, verily disobeys Allah and His Prophet". (Ahmad & Abu Dawood)
Printed with permission: Marriage and Family in Islam by Mohammad Mazhar Hussaini
LIFE BEFORE:
Purpose and Obligation
6 Etiquettes of Seeking a Spouse
How to help Muslims get married, Tips for parents and Imams
How ISNA Matrimonial Service works
Whom to Marry: Selecting a Partner
An-Nikah: The Marriage Ceremony
LIFE AFTER:
Ideal Muslim Husband: a review
Muslim Women Working Outside the Home
Tips for Better Husband and Wife Relationship
The Marriage
__________________________
by Mohammad Mazhar Hussaini
Mutual Agreement of Bride and Groom
Marriage (nikah) is a solemn and sacred social contract between bride and groom. This contract is a strong covenant (mithaqun Ghalithun) as expressed in Quran 4:21). The marriage contract in Islam is not a sacrament. It is revocable.
Both parties mutually agree and enter into this contract. Both bride and groom have the liberty to define various terms and conditions of their liking and make them a part of this contract.
Mahr
The marriage-gift (Mahr) is a divine injunction. The giving of mahr to the bride by the groom is an essential part of the contract.
'And give the women (on marriage) their mahr as a (nikah) free gift" (Quran 4:4)
Mahr is a token commitment of the husband's responsibility and may be paid in cash, property or movable objects to the bride herself. The amount of mahr is not legally specified, however, moderation according to the existing social norm is recommended. The mahr may be paid immediately to the bride at the time of marriage, or deferred to a later date, or a combination of both. The deferred mahr however, falls due in case of death or divorce.
One matrimonial party expresses 'ijab" willing consent to enter into marriage and the other party expresses 'qubul" acceptance of the responsibility in the assembly of marriage ceremony. The contract is written and signed by the bride and the groom and their two respective witnesses. This written marriage contract ("Aqd-Nikah) is then announced publicly.
Sermon
The assembly of nikah is addressed with a marriage sermon (khutba-tun-nikah) by the Muslim officiating the marriage. In marriage societies, customarily, a state appointed Muslim judge (Qadi) officiates the nikah ceremony and keeps the record of the marriage contract. However any trust worthy practicing Muslim can conduct the nikah ceremony, as Islam does not advocate priesthood. The documents of marriage contract/certificate are filed with the mosque (masjid) and local government for record.
Prophet Muhammad (S) made it his tradition (sunnah) to have marriage sermon delivered in the assembly to solemnize the marriage. The sermon invites the bride and the groom, as well as the participating guests in the assembly to a life of piety, mutual love, kindness, and social responsibility.
The Khutbah-tun-Nikah begins with the praise of Allah. His help and guidance is sought. The Muslim confession of faith that 'There is none worthy of worship except Allah and Muhammad is His servant and messenger" is declared. The three Quranic verses (Quran 4:1, 3:102, 33:70-71) and one Prophetic saying (hadith) form the main text of the marriage. This hadith is:
'By Allah! Among all of you I am the most God-fearing, and among you all, I am the supermost to save myself from the wrath of Allah, yet my state is that I observe prayer and sleep too. I observe fast and suspend observing them; I marry woman also. And he who turns away from my Sunnah has no relation with me". (Bukhari)
The Muslim officiating the marriage ceremony concludes the ceremony with prayer (Dua) for bride, groom, their respective families, the local Muslim community, and the Muslim community at large (Ummah)
Marriage (nikah) is considered as an act of worship (ibadah). It is virtuous to conduct it in a Mosque keeping the ceremony simple. The marriage ceremony is a social as well as a religious activity. Islam advocates simplicity in ceremonies and celebrations.
Prophet Muhammad (S) considered simple weddings the best weddings:
'The best wedding is that upon which the least trouble and expense is bestowed". (Mishkat)
Primary Requirements
1) Mutual agreement (Ijab-O-Qubul) by the bride and the groom
2) Two adult and sane witnesses
3) Mahr (marriage-gift) to be paid by the groom to the bride either immediately (muajjal) or deferred (muakhkhar), or a combination of both
Secondary Requirements
1) Legal guardian (wakeel) representing the bride
2) Written marriage contract ("Aqd-Nikah) signed by the bride and the groom and witnesses by two adult and sane witnesses
3) Qadi (State appointed Muslim judge) or Ma'zoon (a responsible person officiating the marriage ceremony)
4) Khutba-tun-Nikah to solemnize the marriage
The Marriage Banquet (Walima)
After the consummation of the marriage, the groom holds a banquet called a walima. The relatives, neighbors, and friends are invited in order to make them aware of the marriage. Both rich and poor of the family and community are invited to the marriage feasts.
Prophet Muhammad (S) said:
'The worst of the feasts are those marriage feasts to which the rich are invited and the poor are left out". (Mishkat)
It is recommended that Muslims attend marriage ceremonies and marriage feasts upon invitation.
Prophet Muhammad (S) said:
"...and he who refuses to accept an invitation to a marriage feast, verily disobeys Allah and His Prophet". (Ahmad & Abu Dawood)
Printed with permission: Marriage and Family in Islam by Mohammad Mazhar Hussaini
LIFE BEFORE:
Purpose and Obligation
6 Etiquettes of Seeking a Spouse
How to help Muslims get married, Tips for parents and Imams
How ISNA Matrimonial Service works
Whom to Marry: Selecting a Partner
An-Nikah: The Marriage Ceremony
LIFE AFTER:
Ideal Muslim Husband: a review
Muslim Women Working Outside the Home
Tips for Better Husband and Wife Relationship
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Marriage and the importance of marriage in Islam.
Marriage and the importance of marriage in Islam.
Marriage is a basic remedy for the sexual appetite. Alternative solutions are merely to enable you to bide your time until the proper circumstances for marriage arrive: maturity, adequate financial resources, and a virtuous woman. The Messenger of Allah, May Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “O young men! Any of you who are able to marry should do so. It lowers the eyes and protects the private parts. Any of you who are unable to do so should fast. Fasting is a protection for you.” Young men are addressed because they have the strength and youthful vigour. They are subject to sexual desire for women and are generally not free of it. An Nawawi said, “My companions consider the term ‘young men’ to cover all those who are between the age of puberty and thirty years old.” The Prophet [peace be upon him] prescribed marriage for those who have the means for it and those who do not have means should fast and control their desires until the time Allah opens the way for them. We find the source of this in the Noble Quran where Allah Almighty says:
“Any of you who do not have the means to marry believing free women may marry believing slave girls who are owned by those among you. Allah knows best about your belief – you are all equally believers. Marry them with their owners’ permission and give them dowries correctly and courteously as married women, not in fornication or taking them as lovers. When they are married, if they commit fornication, they should receive half the punishment of free women. This is for those of you who are afraid of committing fornication. But to be patient would be better for you. Allah is All-Knowing, Most Merciful.” (Surah an Nisa: Ayah 25)
This is a dispensation from Allah and a mercy for those Muslims who lack the financial resources to marry believing free women. He therefore unlocks another door for them, but still concludes by saying, “But to be patient would be better for you,” since marriage to slave-girls entails risks in respect of the upbringing of the children which result from it. Islam desires strong progeny who will grow up with dignity, honour and clear lineage and establish Muslim society on firm foundations. That is why the basis of all marriages must be thoroughly sound. Otherwise, it is better to be patient with your sexual desire and to remain abstinent, a policy endorsed by Allah in Surat an Nur when He says:
“Those who cannot find the means to marry should be abstinent until Allah enriches them from His unbounded favour.” (Surah an Noor: Ayah 33)
This call for abstinence and purity is only demanded when a man does not possess adequate financial means to marry. However, when he has the means, marriage becomes an obligatory duty in the Shari’ah. Listen to the guidance of the noble Prophet [peace be upon him] regarding the necessity and importance of marriage. It is related from Anas ibn Malik, may Allah be pleased with him, that he heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, “Whosoever wants to meet Allah pure and purified should marry free women.”
Abu Ayyub, may Allah be pleased with him, said that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Four things are part of the sunan of the Messengers: henna, perfume, siwak and marriage.”
‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn al ‘As, may Allah be pleased with both of them, said that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “This world is passing enjoyment. One of the best kinds of provision it contains is a woman who helps her husband regarding the Next World. A poor man is one who has no wife and a poor woman is on who has no husband.”
Abu Umamah, May Allah be pleased with him, said that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “There is nothing more beneficial to a believer after fear of Allah Almighty than a virtuous wife. When he orders her to do something, she obeys. When he looks at her, she delights him. When he requests her to do something, she carries it out. When he is absent from her, she is faithful to him both n respect of herself and his property.”
Anas, May Allah be pleased with him, related that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said,” Any man whom Allah provides with a virtuous wife has been helped to half his Deen, so he should fear Allah regarding the other half.”
Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, related that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “There are three people whom it is mandatory for Allah to help: someone who does jihad in the way of Allah, a slave who has been given a contact to free himself and desires to fulfil it and someone who marries out of the desire to preserve his chastity.”
Abu Buhayh, may Allah be pleased with him, related that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Whoever is affluent should marry. If he does not marry, he is not with me.”
Anas ibn Malik, May Allah be pleased with him, said “A group of people came to the houses of the wives of the prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, to ask about the worship of the Prophet. When they were told, it seemed that they thought that the amount was not sufficient. They said, ‘Where are we in relation to the Prophet?’Allah has forgiven him his past and future errors,’ One of them declared, ‘As for myself, I will pray all night,’ Another said, ‘I will fast continually and never break it.’ Another said, ‘I will withdraw from women and never marry.’ The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace came to them and said, ‘Are you the people who said such and such? By Allah, I have more fear of Allah than you and more awareness of Him, but I fast and break the fast, and sleep, and marry women. Anyone who is averse to my Sunna is not with me.’”
The importance of marriage in Islam.
The reasons for the immense importance held by marriage in the life of the Muslims are summarised in the following points:
It is obedience to the command of Allah, who says in the Quran: “Marry those among you who are unmarried and your slaves and slave girls who are righteous. If they are poor Allah will enrich them from His overflowing favour.” (Surah an Noor: Ayah 32)
• It is following the guidance of our beloved Prophet [peace be upon him] and the Messengers of Allah since Allah Almighty said in His description of the Messengers: “We sent Messengers before you and gave them wives and children too” (Surah ar Ra’d: Ayah 38). An aspect of Allah’s love for the human race lies in enabling them to have children perpetuate the human species. The child is the goal of both the legal contract and the physical pleasure it sanctions. However, there is no pleasure in the life of the Muslim which does not entail subsequent responsibility as shown in this case by the upbringing of children.
• It gives repose and delight to the soul since sitting with, looking at, and playing with one’s spouse allows the heart to relax and strengthens it for worship. Without this the soul would grow wearied and turn away from the truth. The Almighty says: “Among His signs is that He created for you spouses from yourselves so that you might find repose with them. And He has placed between you affection and mercy. In that there are certainly signs for people who reflect.” (Surah ar Rum: Ayah 22).
• It fortifies the heart against Shaytan by satisfying sexual desire and therefore averting the dangers of unbridled sexual appetite. It is like an impregnable fortress which protects the Muslims from fortification and so saves them from falling into abyss which plunges people into the lower levels of Hellfire in this world before the Next. There is no more effective way of dealing with sexual energy.
• It provides an arena for combating and disciplining the lower self through taking care of the family and looking after their needs, putting up with their faults and failings, and striving to bring them up well and guide them to the right path. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: “What a man spends on his family is sadaqa.” He said, “A man is rewarded for the mouthful he gives to his wife.”
Truly man should be amazed at the wisdom of the way his lord deals with the sexual instinct. It allows the sexual appetite to be satisfied, provides man with progeny and encourages him to strive on behalf of his family. Every aspect of the human self is taken into account and the result is a pure fruit whose fragrance permeates all parts of Muslim society Muslims are encouraged to satisfy their sexual instinct and by doing so achieve good in this world and the Next. This made the leaders among the Companions and the Followers eager to marry as they were to please Allah and His Messenger. ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, said, “I force myself to have sexual intercourse hoping that Allah will bring forth by means of it another human being to glorify and remember Him.”
Ibn Mas’u d, may Allah be pleased with said, “Even if only ten days of my life remained, I would still get married because I would not like to meet Allah unmarried.” He also said, Seek wealth through marriage in conformity with the words of Allah, ‘If they are poor Allah will enrich them from His overflowing favour’ (Surah an Noor: Ayah 32)”.
Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal said, “Anyone who calls on you not to marry has called you to do something other than Islam.”He, May Allah have mercy on him, married two days after the death of his wife and said, “I do not want to spend a night as an unmarried man.”
Marriage is a basic remedy for the sexual appetite. Alternative solutions are merely to enable you to bide your time until the proper circumstances for marriage arrive: maturity, adequate financial resources, and a virtuous woman. The Messenger of Allah, May Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “O young men! Any of you who are able to marry should do so. It lowers the eyes and protects the private parts. Any of you who are unable to do so should fast. Fasting is a protection for you.” Young men are addressed because they have the strength and youthful vigour. They are subject to sexual desire for women and are generally not free of it. An Nawawi said, “My companions consider the term ‘young men’ to cover all those who are between the age of puberty and thirty years old.” The Prophet [peace be upon him] prescribed marriage for those who have the means for it and those who do not have means should fast and control their desires until the time Allah opens the way for them. We find the source of this in the Noble Quran where Allah Almighty says:
“Any of you who do not have the means to marry believing free women may marry believing slave girls who are owned by those among you. Allah knows best about your belief – you are all equally believers. Marry them with their owners’ permission and give them dowries correctly and courteously as married women, not in fornication or taking them as lovers. When they are married, if they commit fornication, they should receive half the punishment of free women. This is for those of you who are afraid of committing fornication. But to be patient would be better for you. Allah is All-Knowing, Most Merciful.” (Surah an Nisa: Ayah 25)
This is a dispensation from Allah and a mercy for those Muslims who lack the financial resources to marry believing free women. He therefore unlocks another door for them, but still concludes by saying, “But to be patient would be better for you,” since marriage to slave-girls entails risks in respect of the upbringing of the children which result from it. Islam desires strong progeny who will grow up with dignity, honour and clear lineage and establish Muslim society on firm foundations. That is why the basis of all marriages must be thoroughly sound. Otherwise, it is better to be patient with your sexual desire and to remain abstinent, a policy endorsed by Allah in Surat an Nur when He says:
“Those who cannot find the means to marry should be abstinent until Allah enriches them from His unbounded favour.” (Surah an Noor: Ayah 33)
This call for abstinence and purity is only demanded when a man does not possess adequate financial means to marry. However, when he has the means, marriage becomes an obligatory duty in the Shari’ah. Listen to the guidance of the noble Prophet [peace be upon him] regarding the necessity and importance of marriage. It is related from Anas ibn Malik, may Allah be pleased with him, that he heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, “Whosoever wants to meet Allah pure and purified should marry free women.”
Abu Ayyub, may Allah be pleased with him, said that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Four things are part of the sunan of the Messengers: henna, perfume, siwak and marriage.”
‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn al ‘As, may Allah be pleased with both of them, said that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “This world is passing enjoyment. One of the best kinds of provision it contains is a woman who helps her husband regarding the Next World. A poor man is one who has no wife and a poor woman is on who has no husband.”
Abu Umamah, May Allah be pleased with him, said that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “There is nothing more beneficial to a believer after fear of Allah Almighty than a virtuous wife. When he orders her to do something, she obeys. When he looks at her, she delights him. When he requests her to do something, she carries it out. When he is absent from her, she is faithful to him both n respect of herself and his property.”
Anas, May Allah be pleased with him, related that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said,” Any man whom Allah provides with a virtuous wife has been helped to half his Deen, so he should fear Allah regarding the other half.”
Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, related that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “There are three people whom it is mandatory for Allah to help: someone who does jihad in the way of Allah, a slave who has been given a contact to free himself and desires to fulfil it and someone who marries out of the desire to preserve his chastity.”
Abu Buhayh, may Allah be pleased with him, related that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Whoever is affluent should marry. If he does not marry, he is not with me.”
Anas ibn Malik, May Allah be pleased with him, said “A group of people came to the houses of the wives of the prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, to ask about the worship of the Prophet. When they were told, it seemed that they thought that the amount was not sufficient. They said, ‘Where are we in relation to the Prophet?’Allah has forgiven him his past and future errors,’ One of them declared, ‘As for myself, I will pray all night,’ Another said, ‘I will fast continually and never break it.’ Another said, ‘I will withdraw from women and never marry.’ The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace came to them and said, ‘Are you the people who said such and such? By Allah, I have more fear of Allah than you and more awareness of Him, but I fast and break the fast, and sleep, and marry women. Anyone who is averse to my Sunna is not with me.’”
The importance of marriage in Islam.
The reasons for the immense importance held by marriage in the life of the Muslims are summarised in the following points:
It is obedience to the command of Allah, who says in the Quran: “Marry those among you who are unmarried and your slaves and slave girls who are righteous. If they are poor Allah will enrich them from His overflowing favour.” (Surah an Noor: Ayah 32)
• It is following the guidance of our beloved Prophet [peace be upon him] and the Messengers of Allah since Allah Almighty said in His description of the Messengers: “We sent Messengers before you and gave them wives and children too” (Surah ar Ra’d: Ayah 38). An aspect of Allah’s love for the human race lies in enabling them to have children perpetuate the human species. The child is the goal of both the legal contract and the physical pleasure it sanctions. However, there is no pleasure in the life of the Muslim which does not entail subsequent responsibility as shown in this case by the upbringing of children.
• It gives repose and delight to the soul since sitting with, looking at, and playing with one’s spouse allows the heart to relax and strengthens it for worship. Without this the soul would grow wearied and turn away from the truth. The Almighty says: “Among His signs is that He created for you spouses from yourselves so that you might find repose with them. And He has placed between you affection and mercy. In that there are certainly signs for people who reflect.” (Surah ar Rum: Ayah 22).
• It fortifies the heart against Shaytan by satisfying sexual desire and therefore averting the dangers of unbridled sexual appetite. It is like an impregnable fortress which protects the Muslims from fortification and so saves them from falling into abyss which plunges people into the lower levels of Hellfire in this world before the Next. There is no more effective way of dealing with sexual energy.
• It provides an arena for combating and disciplining the lower self through taking care of the family and looking after their needs, putting up with their faults and failings, and striving to bring them up well and guide them to the right path. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: “What a man spends on his family is sadaqa.” He said, “A man is rewarded for the mouthful he gives to his wife.”
Truly man should be amazed at the wisdom of the way his lord deals with the sexual instinct. It allows the sexual appetite to be satisfied, provides man with progeny and encourages him to strive on behalf of his family. Every aspect of the human self is taken into account and the result is a pure fruit whose fragrance permeates all parts of Muslim society Muslims are encouraged to satisfy their sexual instinct and by doing so achieve good in this world and the Next. This made the leaders among the Companions and the Followers eager to marry as they were to please Allah and His Messenger. ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, said, “I force myself to have sexual intercourse hoping that Allah will bring forth by means of it another human being to glorify and remember Him.”
Ibn Mas’u d, may Allah be pleased with said, “Even if only ten days of my life remained, I would still get married because I would not like to meet Allah unmarried.” He also said, Seek wealth through marriage in conformity with the words of Allah, ‘If they are poor Allah will enrich them from His overflowing favour’ (Surah an Noor: Ayah 32)”.
Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal said, “Anyone who calls on you not to marry has called you to do something other than Islam.”He, May Allah have mercy on him, married two days after the death of his wife and said, “I do not want to spend a night as an unmarried man.”
Enjoining the Good and Forbidding the Evil
Enjoining the Good and Forbidding the Evil
All praise is due to Allah. We praise Him. We seek His assistance and forgiveness. We believe in Him and place our trust in Him.
We seek refuge in Allah from the mischief of our souls and our bad actions.
He whom Allah guides no one can mislead,
and he whom Allah misleads,
no one can guide.
We bear testimony that there is no deity except Allah.
He is alone and has no partner and we bear testimony that
our leader and master Muhammad is His Servant and Messenger.
O Allah, shower your everlasting peace and blessings
on him and on his descendants and his companions.
Almighty Allah says in the Holy Qur’an:
“O Mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person (Adam) and from him He created his wife (Eve), and from them He created many men and women. Fear Allah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (reverence) the wombs (kinship). Surely, Allah ever watches over you.” (4:1)
“O you who believe! Fear Allah as He should be
feared. And die not except in the state of
Islam (as Muslims).” (3:102)
“O you who believe! Keep your duty to Allah and fear him, and speak (always) the truth. He will direct you to do righteous good deeds and will forgive you your sins. And whosoever obeys Allah and His Messenger he has indeed achieved a great achievement.” (34:70-71)
The Holy Prophet said:
“Marry such women as are affectionate, child producing for I wish to
outnumber the nations through you.”
(Abu Dawood & Nasai)
“Nikah is my Sunnah.” (Ibn Majah)
“Whosoever turns away from my Sunnah is not of me.” (Bukhari)
Friends! On this auspicious occasion of Nikah, I pray to Almighty Allah that He may instil Muhabbat (love and affection) between the married couple, that through this bond of marriage, pious and righteous children are born, and also that Muhabbat and Ulfat (loving bond) is created between the families of the married couple. In addition, I invoke unto Almighty Allah that He may find for all our young boys and girls pious and suitable partners (Ameen).This Nikah is a noble Sunnat of the Holy Prophet . Simplicity would be the hallmark of every Nikah performed by the Holy Prophet . We are instructed in the Hadith that when a suitable partner is found for a girl, then haste should be made in performing the Nikah. A major reason for the marked increase in the number of unmarried boys and girls in present-day society stems mainly from neglecting the sound advice given in this Hadith. Nowadays the Nikah is delayed in spite of having found a suitable partner for ones son or daughter. For the sake of personal convenience, like going on a holiday or waiting for the arrival of some guest, or some other programme, we unnecessarily delay the marriage.
I am conscious that this moment is one of joy and happiness. I do not want to dampen it. But I must also digress a bit from the main topic of marriage and express the anguish of my heart at the suffering of fellow Muslims, while we continue to indulge in comforts and luxuries. As you know, the Holy Prophet and his Companions did not avail of luxuries despite having the opportunity to do so; instead, they made rigorous Mujahadah (endeavour). By the Barakah (blessings) of their Mujahadah each Companion became a great warrior, who strove and persevered.
When we look inward into our own lives it reveals quite the opposite. We have become so attached to worldly comforts and luxuries that it has, indeed, become difficult for us to discharge our own necessities without relying on others. Over indulgence in ease and comforts is also a significant reason for our misfortune and downfall. If only we realized the true concept of Islamic brotherhood then to continue in extravagant celebrations would really hit the raw inner of our consciousness. Presently, throughout the world, hundreds and thousands of fellow Muslims are suffering at the hands of non Muslims. So many of them are held captives by the enemies of Allah, and the respect and dignity of so many others is being looted, and above all, our brothers and sisters are helpless with no one to confront the perpetrators of their misery. In this dire situation, our brothers and sisters are really in need of every sip of water, every piece of grain and every single penny. Oh friends, is this really a time to indulge in extravagant celebrations, merrymaking and rejoicing? This is surely against the trend of Islamic brotherhood, and I say, it is also against humanity! When you see the abundant favours of Allah so freely granted - especially when you sit to eat - then your eyes should be filled with tears. At the same time, reflect on the plight and suffering borne by Muslims in Bosnia, Somalia, Philippines, Burma and so many other places. Muslims whose situation is most distressing. Despite what prevails before our eyes, are we going to be like the ostrich with its head in the sand?
In this present era, the warning bells of danger to our Faith can be heard ringing aloud. Although the situation is better here (as compared to that in other countries) but we cannot be complacent. The tide of moral and religious degeneration is reigning down on us from all sides. We regularly hear incidents of how our progeny is being exposed to the ills prevalent in this society. We must, therefore, be aware of the dangers and maintain a vigilant eye. We should reflect on what is happening and take a firm grasp of the declining moral and religious situation in this society.
In spite of hearing the plight and misery of Muslims, our feelings seem to remain static, and we are largely unresponsive to their plight. We should try to alter this kind of outlook. Most importantly, we should try and generate a genuine feeling for our Muslim brothers and sisters. We should consider their suffering as our own. We should not behave in apathetic manner, unaware of what is happening to them. Let us conduct ourselves honourably, sharing their woes and grief wherever they may be in the world. Their suffering, displacement and slaughter should be felt by all of us.
I have deliberately shed light on this subject because, nowadays, our wedding functions have become such that vast sums of money are spent and this suggests a kind of indifference to the suffering of Muslim at large. I, for one, do not condone this kind of attitude. On occasions like this, I only wish that greater accountability would be taken. As I have already explained, there are so many Muslims throughout the world in need, so many oppressed, so many destitute and so many in need of every grain, yet our inner eyes remain closed. As Hazrat Shaikhul Hadith Maulana Muhammad Zakaria Saheb Rahmatullahi alai once wrote to his daughter, saying, “Oh daughter! When we depart from this world, our eyes will really open. Only then will we realize!”
Thus, we will only truly realize the extent of our self-deception once we have left this transitory world. How we deceived our own selves. Only then will we truly appreciate the significance of assisting the needy and helpless Muslims. If we are not able to do anything else, then, at least we should develop a sincere concern for our fellow Muslims and pray for them. Even this will not be overlooked by Almighty Allah, who will, Inshallah, accord us with much blessing and reward.
I now return to the subject of my initial discussion, that Nikah is a noble Sunnat of the Prophet . This sublime act is such that it cannot accommodate any other custom; simplicity, as I explained at the outset, is its hallmark. As such, there is no need for a large assembly or congregation for its commemoration.
I will now briefly mention the nature of simplicity observed in weddings conducted at the time of the Holy Prophet . Once the Holy Prophet noticed a stain of Itr (perfume) on the garment of one of his Companion, Hazrat Jabir ibn Abdullah . Although use of Itr was Sunnat, it would generally be applied only for special occasions like a wedding, or on significant days like Friday and Eid. Seeing the blot, the Holy Prophet enquired of Hazrat Jabir ibn Abdullah : “Have you married?” He replied, “Yes.” The Holy Prophet further asked, “Whom did you marry, a virgin or a widow?” He replied, “A widow.” The Holy Prophet said, “Why did you not choose a virgin, that you might play with her and she might play with you? I see you as a young man.” Hazrat Jabir ibn Abdullah replied most gracefully, saying: “O Prophet , my father was martyred in the battle of Uhad. He left behind nine small sisters. Had I married a virgin then she would have become the tenth. That is why I have married a widow, so that with her age and experience she could provide upbringing and training for my sisters.”
From this incident we can deduce that despite the presence of the Holy Prophet in Madina Munawwarah, there was no question of delaying the Nikah to the extent of even informing let alone inviting him.
Thus, in the time of the Prophet , whenever a suitable partner was found for a boy or girl, the Nikah would be conducted without delay. It would not be treated as something so significant as to require the attention or approval of the Holy Prophet . For this reason Hazrat Shaikh Rahmatullahi alai used to say, “I can’t understand all these formalities for Nikah, because Nikah is an Ibadat (act of worship). When someone intends to perform two Rakats of Salat then must he print posters and send everyone cards asking them to assemble in the Jame Masjid before performing the two Rakats?” What a beautiful explanation Hazrat Shaikh provided. Since Nikah is also an Ibadat, then what is the need to print cards and gather a large congregation?
Hazrat himself practised what he preached. He married two of his daughters with Hazrat Jee Maulana Yusuf Saheb and Hazrat Jee Maulana Inamul Hasan Saheb respectively. The occasion of their marriage coincided with the annual graduation ceremony at Mazahirul Uloom, Saharanpur. Both prospective son-in-laws were to graduate. Hazrat, prior to leaving for the graduation ceremony, went home and called out that I propose to wed Maulana Yusuf with such a daughter and Maulana Inamul Hasan with such a daughter, naming each daughter. This was the only type of announcement made in advance of the wedding.
Hazrat Maulana Ihtishamul Haq Saheb, who happened to be the maternal uncle of the daughters and also the brother-in-law of Hazrat Shaikh, as well as being a member of the household, became upset at not being consulted about the marriage. He protested saying that he was the maternal uncle of the girls, and as such, he should at least have been consulted prior to their Nikah. However, Hazrat’s stance remained the same. As Nikah is an Ibadat what is the need to notify everyone. The participants of the marriage were informed and that was sufficient.
On the contrary, we have created so many unnecessary formalities that if perchance the wedding feast is not held on the day of the wedding, we make full amends by holding a large Walimah (a meal after consummating the marriage) the following day.
The practise of Walimah was also celebrated by the Holy Prophet but not in the same manner in which we are accustomed to. When Khaiber was conquered, among the prisoners of war included Hazrat Safiyyah , the daughter of a Jewish chief. Hazrat Dihya Qalbi requested the Holy Prophet for a maid. The Prophet said, “Go and take any slave girl.” He took Hazrat Safiyya . At this, the other Sahabah approached the Prophet and said: “O, Prophet of Allah! Banu Nazir and Banu Quraizah (the Jewish tribes of Madinah) will feel offended to see the daughter of a Jewish chief working as a maid. We therefore suggest that she is only suitable for you.” The Prophet called Dihya and said, “Take any seven slave girls but leave her (i.e. Safiyya).” The Prophet then freed her from slavery and married her. In the tradition reported in Sahih Al-Bukhari, we are further told that they had left Khaiber and on the way, Umme Sulaim dressed her for marriage and at night she sent her as a bride. The following day Walimah feast was arranged with whatever was available.
The point I really want to elicit from this story is the manner in which the Walimah was organized. It was such a simple affair. The Holy Prophet asked his companions to bring their own food. He spread out an eating mat and some brought dates and others cooking butter. This was the manner in which the Walimah of Allah’s Messenger was
celebrated.
Friends! The teachings of our religion, as exemplified by the Holy Prophet , impress upon us simplicity. We need to change our approach and attitude to life and adopt these simple and noble practises.
I again reiterate that there is need for us to change our present outlook. We should replace our indifference and apathy to the suffering borne by fellow Muslims and replace it with a genuine feeling of love and consideration. Only then will we merit the pity of Allah. If we are sincere Muslims then let us mirror the loss sustained by our brothers and sisters. Such should be our grief that it shows on our faces, cause feelings of pain and revulsion in our hearts and makes sour the food and drink we consume. This should be a natural reaction to hearing any kind of tragedy befalling Muslims. Alas, there is a great need to re-establish true Islamic brotherhood in this day and age.
In the end, I pray to Almighty Allah that He grants us all the Tawfiq (strength and ability) to appreciate the delicate age we live in and that He fully rectifies us in all respects (Ameen).
And our last call is that all praise be to the Lord of the
worlds and peace and blessings be upon the Master of
the Messengers, his descendants and his companions.
All praise is due to Allah. We praise Him. We seek His assistance and forgiveness. We believe in Him and place our trust in Him.
We seek refuge in Allah from the mischief of our souls and our bad actions.
He whom Allah guides no one can mislead,
and he whom Allah misleads,
no one can guide.
We bear testimony that there is no deity except Allah.
He is alone and has no partner and we bear testimony that
our leader and master Muhammad is His Servant and Messenger.
O Allah, shower your everlasting peace and blessings
on him and on his descendants and his companions.
Almighty Allah says in the Holy Qur’an:
“O Mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person (Adam) and from him He created his wife (Eve), and from them He created many men and women. Fear Allah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (reverence) the wombs (kinship). Surely, Allah ever watches over you.” (4:1)
“O you who believe! Fear Allah as He should be
feared. And die not except in the state of
Islam (as Muslims).” (3:102)
“O you who believe! Keep your duty to Allah and fear him, and speak (always) the truth. He will direct you to do righteous good deeds and will forgive you your sins. And whosoever obeys Allah and His Messenger he has indeed achieved a great achievement.” (34:70-71)
The Holy Prophet said:
“Marry such women as are affectionate, child producing for I wish to
outnumber the nations through you.”
(Abu Dawood & Nasai)
“Nikah is my Sunnah.” (Ibn Majah)
“Whosoever turns away from my Sunnah is not of me.” (Bukhari)
Friends! On this auspicious occasion of Nikah, I pray to Almighty Allah that He may instil Muhabbat (love and affection) between the married couple, that through this bond of marriage, pious and righteous children are born, and also that Muhabbat and Ulfat (loving bond) is created between the families of the married couple. In addition, I invoke unto Almighty Allah that He may find for all our young boys and girls pious and suitable partners (Ameen).This Nikah is a noble Sunnat of the Holy Prophet . Simplicity would be the hallmark of every Nikah performed by the Holy Prophet . We are instructed in the Hadith that when a suitable partner is found for a girl, then haste should be made in performing the Nikah. A major reason for the marked increase in the number of unmarried boys and girls in present-day society stems mainly from neglecting the sound advice given in this Hadith. Nowadays the Nikah is delayed in spite of having found a suitable partner for ones son or daughter. For the sake of personal convenience, like going on a holiday or waiting for the arrival of some guest, or some other programme, we unnecessarily delay the marriage.
I am conscious that this moment is one of joy and happiness. I do not want to dampen it. But I must also digress a bit from the main topic of marriage and express the anguish of my heart at the suffering of fellow Muslims, while we continue to indulge in comforts and luxuries. As you know, the Holy Prophet and his Companions did not avail of luxuries despite having the opportunity to do so; instead, they made rigorous Mujahadah (endeavour). By the Barakah (blessings) of their Mujahadah each Companion became a great warrior, who strove and persevered.
When we look inward into our own lives it reveals quite the opposite. We have become so attached to worldly comforts and luxuries that it has, indeed, become difficult for us to discharge our own necessities without relying on others. Over indulgence in ease and comforts is also a significant reason for our misfortune and downfall. If only we realized the true concept of Islamic brotherhood then to continue in extravagant celebrations would really hit the raw inner of our consciousness. Presently, throughout the world, hundreds and thousands of fellow Muslims are suffering at the hands of non Muslims. So many of them are held captives by the enemies of Allah, and the respect and dignity of so many others is being looted, and above all, our brothers and sisters are helpless with no one to confront the perpetrators of their misery. In this dire situation, our brothers and sisters are really in need of every sip of water, every piece of grain and every single penny. Oh friends, is this really a time to indulge in extravagant celebrations, merrymaking and rejoicing? This is surely against the trend of Islamic brotherhood, and I say, it is also against humanity! When you see the abundant favours of Allah so freely granted - especially when you sit to eat - then your eyes should be filled with tears. At the same time, reflect on the plight and suffering borne by Muslims in Bosnia, Somalia, Philippines, Burma and so many other places. Muslims whose situation is most distressing. Despite what prevails before our eyes, are we going to be like the ostrich with its head in the sand?
In this present era, the warning bells of danger to our Faith can be heard ringing aloud. Although the situation is better here (as compared to that in other countries) but we cannot be complacent. The tide of moral and religious degeneration is reigning down on us from all sides. We regularly hear incidents of how our progeny is being exposed to the ills prevalent in this society. We must, therefore, be aware of the dangers and maintain a vigilant eye. We should reflect on what is happening and take a firm grasp of the declining moral and religious situation in this society.
In spite of hearing the plight and misery of Muslims, our feelings seem to remain static, and we are largely unresponsive to their plight. We should try to alter this kind of outlook. Most importantly, we should try and generate a genuine feeling for our Muslim brothers and sisters. We should consider their suffering as our own. We should not behave in apathetic manner, unaware of what is happening to them. Let us conduct ourselves honourably, sharing their woes and grief wherever they may be in the world. Their suffering, displacement and slaughter should be felt by all of us.
I have deliberately shed light on this subject because, nowadays, our wedding functions have become such that vast sums of money are spent and this suggests a kind of indifference to the suffering of Muslim at large. I, for one, do not condone this kind of attitude. On occasions like this, I only wish that greater accountability would be taken. As I have already explained, there are so many Muslims throughout the world in need, so many oppressed, so many destitute and so many in need of every grain, yet our inner eyes remain closed. As Hazrat Shaikhul Hadith Maulana Muhammad Zakaria Saheb Rahmatullahi alai once wrote to his daughter, saying, “Oh daughter! When we depart from this world, our eyes will really open. Only then will we realize!”
Thus, we will only truly realize the extent of our self-deception once we have left this transitory world. How we deceived our own selves. Only then will we truly appreciate the significance of assisting the needy and helpless Muslims. If we are not able to do anything else, then, at least we should develop a sincere concern for our fellow Muslims and pray for them. Even this will not be overlooked by Almighty Allah, who will, Inshallah, accord us with much blessing and reward.
I now return to the subject of my initial discussion, that Nikah is a noble Sunnat of the Prophet . This sublime act is such that it cannot accommodate any other custom; simplicity, as I explained at the outset, is its hallmark. As such, there is no need for a large assembly or congregation for its commemoration.
I will now briefly mention the nature of simplicity observed in weddings conducted at the time of the Holy Prophet . Once the Holy Prophet noticed a stain of Itr (perfume) on the garment of one of his Companion, Hazrat Jabir ibn Abdullah . Although use of Itr was Sunnat, it would generally be applied only for special occasions like a wedding, or on significant days like Friday and Eid. Seeing the blot, the Holy Prophet enquired of Hazrat Jabir ibn Abdullah : “Have you married?” He replied, “Yes.” The Holy Prophet further asked, “Whom did you marry, a virgin or a widow?” He replied, “A widow.” The Holy Prophet said, “Why did you not choose a virgin, that you might play with her and she might play with you? I see you as a young man.” Hazrat Jabir ibn Abdullah replied most gracefully, saying: “O Prophet , my father was martyred in the battle of Uhad. He left behind nine small sisters. Had I married a virgin then she would have become the tenth. That is why I have married a widow, so that with her age and experience she could provide upbringing and training for my sisters.”
From this incident we can deduce that despite the presence of the Holy Prophet in Madina Munawwarah, there was no question of delaying the Nikah to the extent of even informing let alone inviting him.
Thus, in the time of the Prophet , whenever a suitable partner was found for a boy or girl, the Nikah would be conducted without delay. It would not be treated as something so significant as to require the attention or approval of the Holy Prophet . For this reason Hazrat Shaikh Rahmatullahi alai used to say, “I can’t understand all these formalities for Nikah, because Nikah is an Ibadat (act of worship). When someone intends to perform two Rakats of Salat then must he print posters and send everyone cards asking them to assemble in the Jame Masjid before performing the two Rakats?” What a beautiful explanation Hazrat Shaikh provided. Since Nikah is also an Ibadat, then what is the need to print cards and gather a large congregation?
Hazrat himself practised what he preached. He married two of his daughters with Hazrat Jee Maulana Yusuf Saheb and Hazrat Jee Maulana Inamul Hasan Saheb respectively. The occasion of their marriage coincided with the annual graduation ceremony at Mazahirul Uloom, Saharanpur. Both prospective son-in-laws were to graduate. Hazrat, prior to leaving for the graduation ceremony, went home and called out that I propose to wed Maulana Yusuf with such a daughter and Maulana Inamul Hasan with such a daughter, naming each daughter. This was the only type of announcement made in advance of the wedding.
Hazrat Maulana Ihtishamul Haq Saheb, who happened to be the maternal uncle of the daughters and also the brother-in-law of Hazrat Shaikh, as well as being a member of the household, became upset at not being consulted about the marriage. He protested saying that he was the maternal uncle of the girls, and as such, he should at least have been consulted prior to their Nikah. However, Hazrat’s stance remained the same. As Nikah is an Ibadat what is the need to notify everyone. The participants of the marriage were informed and that was sufficient.
On the contrary, we have created so many unnecessary formalities that if perchance the wedding feast is not held on the day of the wedding, we make full amends by holding a large Walimah (a meal after consummating the marriage) the following day.
The practise of Walimah was also celebrated by the Holy Prophet but not in the same manner in which we are accustomed to. When Khaiber was conquered, among the prisoners of war included Hazrat Safiyyah , the daughter of a Jewish chief. Hazrat Dihya Qalbi requested the Holy Prophet for a maid. The Prophet said, “Go and take any slave girl.” He took Hazrat Safiyya . At this, the other Sahabah approached the Prophet and said: “O, Prophet of Allah! Banu Nazir and Banu Quraizah (the Jewish tribes of Madinah) will feel offended to see the daughter of a Jewish chief working as a maid. We therefore suggest that she is only suitable for you.” The Prophet called Dihya and said, “Take any seven slave girls but leave her (i.e. Safiyya).” The Prophet then freed her from slavery and married her. In the tradition reported in Sahih Al-Bukhari, we are further told that they had left Khaiber and on the way, Umme Sulaim dressed her for marriage and at night she sent her as a bride. The following day Walimah feast was arranged with whatever was available.
The point I really want to elicit from this story is the manner in which the Walimah was organized. It was such a simple affair. The Holy Prophet asked his companions to bring their own food. He spread out an eating mat and some brought dates and others cooking butter. This was the manner in which the Walimah of Allah’s Messenger was
celebrated.
Friends! The teachings of our religion, as exemplified by the Holy Prophet , impress upon us simplicity. We need to change our approach and attitude to life and adopt these simple and noble practises.
I again reiterate that there is need for us to change our present outlook. We should replace our indifference and apathy to the suffering borne by fellow Muslims and replace it with a genuine feeling of love and consideration. Only then will we merit the pity of Allah. If we are sincere Muslims then let us mirror the loss sustained by our brothers and sisters. Such should be our grief that it shows on our faces, cause feelings of pain and revulsion in our hearts and makes sour the food and drink we consume. This should be a natural reaction to hearing any kind of tragedy befalling Muslims. Alas, there is a great need to re-establish true Islamic brotherhood in this day and age.
In the end, I pray to Almighty Allah that He grants us all the Tawfiq (strength and ability) to appreciate the delicate age we live in and that He fully rectifies us in all respects (Ameen).
And our last call is that all praise be to the Lord of the
worlds and peace and blessings be upon the Master of
the Messengers, his descendants and his companions.
Tips for Muslim couples dealing with marital disputes
Tips for Muslim couples dealing with marital disputes
All marriages have problems, minor and major, but there are certain issues, which are common to almost all couples. There are practical ways to deal with them. Here are some of the issues that cause contention amongst couples and possible solutions:
1. Money matters
The desire to become richer or more financially established, to move up the economic ladder is one common to many people, including married couples. As a result, this can cause arguments and disputes about how to earn money, how to spend it and how to invest.
One of the ways to handle this is to simply make an easy budget which tracks expenses and income and establishes a framework for taking care of regular family necessities. As well, there should be openness, honesty, communication and consultation amongst couples about money issues. This way, families can meet their needs better and ways of improving a couple's financial situation can be discussed more openly and practically once this is put on paper.
2. Your in-laws
In-laws can be great friends or can become one of the most difficult family members to deal with. This is why it is important to keep certain things in mind and do certain things when relating to them so you can avoid some major hassles:
a. Remember that your spouse's parents have known them longer and loved them longer. Never make your spouse choose between you or them.
b. Always treat your in-laws with compassion, respect and mercy.
c. Maintain a balance between your needs and that of your in-laws.
d. Don't interfere in your in-laws relationship. If your mother-in-law has a problem with her husband, let them deal with it.
e. Don't tell your spouse how to improve their relationship with their parents.
f. Remember that mothers are usually skeptical about daughter-in-laws and fathers about son-in-laws.
g. Never compare your wife to your mother or your husband to your dad.
h. Do not go to your parents with your quarrels with your husband or wife, unless the issue is in danger of escalating. Try to solve problems between the two of you.
i. If you are supporting your parents financially inform your spouse as a matter of courtesy and clarity.
j. Do not forbid your spouse from seeing their family unless you fear for their religion and safety.
k.Do not tell other people your spouse and in-laws' secrets.
l. If you do not live with your in-laws, make time to get to know them. For example, invite them over at least twice a month for dinner at your place.
m. If you don't live with your in-laws, encourage your spouse to regularly check up on them.
n. Maintain the Adab (etiquettes) of Islam with your sister- and brother-in-laws (i.e. no hugging or kissing).
o. Give grandparents easy and reasonable access to their grandchildren.
p. Be forgiving and keep your sense of humor.
q. Remember that nobody can interfere or influence your marriage unless you allow them to.
r. If you didn't do this before getting married and moving in with in-laws, do this now: have a serious discussion with all parties present. Expectations and requirements of such a living arrangement must be worked out. Things like money, household chores, etc. should be discussed.
3. Parenting
Instead of fighting about what how your son or daughter needs to be raised, agree on setting an Islamic standard for parenting. You can consult your parents and in-laws, but agree to be open and honest with each other, and be ready to compromise on some issues. Remember, the interest, in the long run, is to raise good Muslim kids. Different methods can be used for this, as long as they are Halal.
4. Stress
While things are usually more laid back in non-Western countries, a number of couples still experience a growing amount of stress. This is why there must be some respect for private space of each individual, especially if families are living together. Allowing for private time will help couples individually cope with stress in a way that is suitable for them. The methods can vary, but as long as they are Halal and work, they can be used.
5. Domestic violence
Domestic violence may not always lead to divorce, but it will lead to feelings of hatred between the couple, and children exposed to this are in danger of becoming abusers and/or victims themselves. Get the help of family members to sort out differences. For men, if you feel a fit of rage coming on, leave the house or the situation at least and make Wudu so you can cool off instead of venting your anger and violence against your wife.
6. Lack of domestic skills
While girls are being encouraged to become more educated, duties within the home are being less emphasized. While women are not forbidden from working within Islamic guidelines, and men are encouraged to help with housework, women's primary duty is within the home as a home manager and mother.
As a result of the lack of domestic skills, many married women may find themselves overwhelmed, and their husbands may refuse to help because they have never done that or seen their fathers doing that. Wives need to work out a household plan in cooperation with their husbands. Husbands need to become more compassionate and remember the example of Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) who would help his wives in household chores. Also, mothers and mothers-in-law can help by both sharing housework and teaching daughters and daughters-in-laws skills in a compassionate way. They should try to encourage sons to help as well.
All marriages have problems, minor and major, but there are certain issues, which are common to almost all couples. There are practical ways to deal with them. Here are some of the issues that cause contention amongst couples and possible solutions:
1. Money matters
The desire to become richer or more financially established, to move up the economic ladder is one common to many people, including married couples. As a result, this can cause arguments and disputes about how to earn money, how to spend it and how to invest.
One of the ways to handle this is to simply make an easy budget which tracks expenses and income and establishes a framework for taking care of regular family necessities. As well, there should be openness, honesty, communication and consultation amongst couples about money issues. This way, families can meet their needs better and ways of improving a couple's financial situation can be discussed more openly and practically once this is put on paper.
2. Your in-laws
In-laws can be great friends or can become one of the most difficult family members to deal with. This is why it is important to keep certain things in mind and do certain things when relating to them so you can avoid some major hassles:
a. Remember that your spouse's parents have known them longer and loved them longer. Never make your spouse choose between you or them.
b. Always treat your in-laws with compassion, respect and mercy.
c. Maintain a balance between your needs and that of your in-laws.
d. Don't interfere in your in-laws relationship. If your mother-in-law has a problem with her husband, let them deal with it.
e. Don't tell your spouse how to improve their relationship with their parents.
f. Remember that mothers are usually skeptical about daughter-in-laws and fathers about son-in-laws.
g. Never compare your wife to your mother or your husband to your dad.
h. Do not go to your parents with your quarrels with your husband or wife, unless the issue is in danger of escalating. Try to solve problems between the two of you.
i. If you are supporting your parents financially inform your spouse as a matter of courtesy and clarity.
j. Do not forbid your spouse from seeing their family unless you fear for their religion and safety.
k.Do not tell other people your spouse and in-laws' secrets.
l. If you do not live with your in-laws, make time to get to know them. For example, invite them over at least twice a month for dinner at your place.
m. If you don't live with your in-laws, encourage your spouse to regularly check up on them.
n. Maintain the Adab (etiquettes) of Islam with your sister- and brother-in-laws (i.e. no hugging or kissing).
o. Give grandparents easy and reasonable access to their grandchildren.
p. Be forgiving and keep your sense of humor.
q. Remember that nobody can interfere or influence your marriage unless you allow them to.
r. If you didn't do this before getting married and moving in with in-laws, do this now: have a serious discussion with all parties present. Expectations and requirements of such a living arrangement must be worked out. Things like money, household chores, etc. should be discussed.
3. Parenting
Instead of fighting about what how your son or daughter needs to be raised, agree on setting an Islamic standard for parenting. You can consult your parents and in-laws, but agree to be open and honest with each other, and be ready to compromise on some issues. Remember, the interest, in the long run, is to raise good Muslim kids. Different methods can be used for this, as long as they are Halal.
4. Stress
While things are usually more laid back in non-Western countries, a number of couples still experience a growing amount of stress. This is why there must be some respect for private space of each individual, especially if families are living together. Allowing for private time will help couples individually cope with stress in a way that is suitable for them. The methods can vary, but as long as they are Halal and work, they can be used.
5. Domestic violence
Domestic violence may not always lead to divorce, but it will lead to feelings of hatred between the couple, and children exposed to this are in danger of becoming abusers and/or victims themselves. Get the help of family members to sort out differences. For men, if you feel a fit of rage coming on, leave the house or the situation at least and make Wudu so you can cool off instead of venting your anger and violence against your wife.
6. Lack of domestic skills
While girls are being encouraged to become more educated, duties within the home are being less emphasized. While women are not forbidden from working within Islamic guidelines, and men are encouraged to help with housework, women's primary duty is within the home as a home manager and mother.
As a result of the lack of domestic skills, many married women may find themselves overwhelmed, and their husbands may refuse to help because they have never done that or seen their fathers doing that. Wives need to work out a household plan in cooperation with their husbands. Husbands need to become more compassionate and remember the example of Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) who would help his wives in household chores. Also, mothers and mothers-in-law can help by both sharing housework and teaching daughters and daughters-in-laws skills in a compassionate way. They should try to encourage sons to help as well.
The Ideal Muslim Husband: A Review
The Ideal Muslim Husband: A Review
Some points what Islam has to say about the characteristics of the ideal Muslim husband and his role, responsibilities, and rights in marriage.
Most Muslim men would like to be ideal husbands. And most Muslim women would, no doubt, like to be married to one. But, for some reason, the men are not ideal husbands, and the women will almost surely admit that they didn't marry one. So, why the discrepancy between our sincere aspirations and reality? Is it an inability on the part of the man, an impossible goal; or is it perhaps that we do not even know what an ideal Muslim husband is?
Wrong Concept of an Ideal Husband
A look at the matrimonial section of an Islamic magazine will quickly demonstrate that many Muslim men and women do not know what an ideal Muslim husband is. Muslim men looking for wives advertise themselves as doctors, engineers, and financially secure. Muslim women appear to be on the lookout for an established professional or more likely a handsome MD. Rarely do Muslim men and women even mention character, religious convictions, and attitudes as a priority. At most, they might be mentioned as a sidebar. It seems that many of us believe that a man is an ideal Muslim husband if he is handsome, makes a lot of money, and comes from an influential family. And the divorce rate among Muslims continues to rise.
Standard of Judging an Ideal Husband
As Muslims, we must base our judgment on what makes an ideal Muslim husband on the guidance of Allah () and the example of Prophet Muhammad (SAWS), not on the standards of a TV sitcom, the culture in which we were born, or our own materialistic mentality.
Participants on this Video
Using examples from the life of Prophet Muhammad (SAWS), the words of the Holy Quran, and personal experience, a panel of Muslim men and women --- Dr. Abdullah Hakim Quick, Dr. Jamal Badawi, Abdallah Idris Ali, Dr. Ingrid Mattison, Khadija Haffagee, Mariam Bhabha, and Abdul Malik Mujahid --- talk about the qualities of a Muslim husband and the Muslim family.
Main Contents of this Video
They discuss such matters as a husband taking advice from his wife, communication within the family, the husband's helping the wife in the house, consultation (Shura) within the family, being a good example for the children, overlooking bad qualities in one's wife and focusing on her good qualities, and sharing the responsibility of raising the children.
First Characteristic of an
Un-Ideal Husband: Hot Temper
A major problem in some Muslim marriages unfortunately is the husband's hot temper and harsh behavior. Some even go so far as to abuse their wives. Dr. Quick gives a word of warning to these men who often come from cultures that teach them to be tough and macho. He says that there should be no violence between husband and wife and that Muslim men should not be the kind of tyrannical fathers whose children run away and hide when their father comes home. He says that we have to separate our non-Islamic cultures from Islam. The ideal Muslim husband will base his behavior on Islam, not on his Arab, American, or Pakistani culture.
Second Characteristic of an
Un-Ideal Husband: Egoistic
Another major problem in Muslim marriages is the husband's failure to consider his wife's opinions. In fact, Abdallah Idris Ali says that the failure of the Muslim Ummah as a whole has to do with our failure in practicing the concept of Shura (consultation). People think that they are right and others are wrong, he says. We will do much better if we consider the opinions of others and let them feel that they are a part of the decision-making process. Along the same lines, Dr. Quick points out that if a woman makes a true (haqq) point, the husband should submit to it. He should in no way reject a point just because it comes from a woman. Demonstrating the huge difference between the way the Prophet (SAWS) dealt with his wives and the way Muslim men deal with their wives today, Abdallah Idris Ali tells the story of the time when Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) was sleeping under one cover with his wife Ayesha, and he asked her permission to get up to pray.
Third Characteristic of an
Un-Ideal Husband: Unhelpful
The failure to help in the house and to help with the raising of the children are well-known weaknesses of husbands. The video makes it clear that Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) helped in the house, and Abdul Malik Mujahid says that a man cannot be an ideal Muslim husband, or even close to a good husband, if he leaves the responsibility of children completely to the mother. Khadija Haffagee tells the story of a father who took a three-month-old infant to pray with him and after the prayer did the 'tasbih" on the child's hand. This, she said, was training by the father. Dr. Quick warns that when training our children, we should be careful not to raise sons with a double standard where they have no household responsibilities. If we do, they will likely grow up with the attitude that they don't need to do this kind of work --- that they are above it.
Prophet: An Ideal Father
As a beautiful example of a healthy father-child relationship, Abdul Malik Mujahid tells the story of how the Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) used to stand up for his daughter Fatima, kiss her, and give her his seat when she came to him. This was in an age when people preferred sons and looked down on having daughters. With this simple act, the Prophet (SAWS) showed us how to express love and affection for our children --- an essential quality for an ideal Muslim husband.
An Ideal Ex-Husband
Being an ideal Muslim husband, however, goes even farther than the marriage, Dr. Quick points out. Even after a divorce, a Muslim husband must strive to be the best ex-husband. A husband shouldn't be Mr. Kindness in marriage and then treat his wife badly in divorce, Dr. Quick says. He must divorce her in the best manner with good treatment.
Other Valuable Advises
This video goes beyond just talking about an ideal Muslim husband and deals with ways to improve the family. It attempts to prevent many marital problems by advising young people who want to get married. After informing them about what makes an ideal Muslim husband, it cautions them to be concerned about these qualities ---not just the material aspects --- when considering a prospective spouse.
In fact, what emerges from the video is that being an ideal Muslim husband has very little or nothing to do with the amount of money one has, physical beauty, or the prestige of one's job. Rather, it has to do with one's commitment to Allah (), one's knowledge of and willingness to follow the guidance of Allah () and the Prophet's example, and one's commitment to do righteousness even in difficult situations. The ideal Muslim husband should be humble, gentle, kind, considerate, caring, loving, open to good advice, willing to cooperate with others in the family rather than dictate rules, helpful in the house, involved in raising the children, and never abusive either physically or mentally.
No doubt, this is a very tall order. Becoming an ideal Muslim husband will certainly not be easy. It will take a jihad against 'jahiliyyah" thinking, selfishness, ego, vanity, anger, pride, and arrogance.
Bottom Line
Full of excellent advice, encouragement, and wisdom, this video should help any Muslim husband to improve. Although there are no guarantees that he will ever become an ideal Muslim husband, it will, InshaAllah, start him on the way.
Some points what Islam has to say about the characteristics of the ideal Muslim husband and his role, responsibilities, and rights in marriage.
Most Muslim men would like to be ideal husbands. And most Muslim women would, no doubt, like to be married to one. But, for some reason, the men are not ideal husbands, and the women will almost surely admit that they didn't marry one. So, why the discrepancy between our sincere aspirations and reality? Is it an inability on the part of the man, an impossible goal; or is it perhaps that we do not even know what an ideal Muslim husband is?
Wrong Concept of an Ideal Husband
A look at the matrimonial section of an Islamic magazine will quickly demonstrate that many Muslim men and women do not know what an ideal Muslim husband is. Muslim men looking for wives advertise themselves as doctors, engineers, and financially secure. Muslim women appear to be on the lookout for an established professional or more likely a handsome MD. Rarely do Muslim men and women even mention character, religious convictions, and attitudes as a priority. At most, they might be mentioned as a sidebar. It seems that many of us believe that a man is an ideal Muslim husband if he is handsome, makes a lot of money, and comes from an influential family. And the divorce rate among Muslims continues to rise.
Standard of Judging an Ideal Husband
As Muslims, we must base our judgment on what makes an ideal Muslim husband on the guidance of Allah () and the example of Prophet Muhammad (SAWS), not on the standards of a TV sitcom, the culture in which we were born, or our own materialistic mentality.
Participants on this Video
Using examples from the life of Prophet Muhammad (SAWS), the words of the Holy Quran, and personal experience, a panel of Muslim men and women --- Dr. Abdullah Hakim Quick, Dr. Jamal Badawi, Abdallah Idris Ali, Dr. Ingrid Mattison, Khadija Haffagee, Mariam Bhabha, and Abdul Malik Mujahid --- talk about the qualities of a Muslim husband and the Muslim family.
Main Contents of this Video
They discuss such matters as a husband taking advice from his wife, communication within the family, the husband's helping the wife in the house, consultation (Shura) within the family, being a good example for the children, overlooking bad qualities in one's wife and focusing on her good qualities, and sharing the responsibility of raising the children.
First Characteristic of an
Un-Ideal Husband: Hot Temper
A major problem in some Muslim marriages unfortunately is the husband's hot temper and harsh behavior. Some even go so far as to abuse their wives. Dr. Quick gives a word of warning to these men who often come from cultures that teach them to be tough and macho. He says that there should be no violence between husband and wife and that Muslim men should not be the kind of tyrannical fathers whose children run away and hide when their father comes home. He says that we have to separate our non-Islamic cultures from Islam. The ideal Muslim husband will base his behavior on Islam, not on his Arab, American, or Pakistani culture.
Second Characteristic of an
Un-Ideal Husband: Egoistic
Another major problem in Muslim marriages is the husband's failure to consider his wife's opinions. In fact, Abdallah Idris Ali says that the failure of the Muslim Ummah as a whole has to do with our failure in practicing the concept of Shura (consultation). People think that they are right and others are wrong, he says. We will do much better if we consider the opinions of others and let them feel that they are a part of the decision-making process. Along the same lines, Dr. Quick points out that if a woman makes a true (haqq) point, the husband should submit to it. He should in no way reject a point just because it comes from a woman. Demonstrating the huge difference between the way the Prophet (SAWS) dealt with his wives and the way Muslim men deal with their wives today, Abdallah Idris Ali tells the story of the time when Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) was sleeping under one cover with his wife Ayesha, and he asked her permission to get up to pray.
Third Characteristic of an
Un-Ideal Husband: Unhelpful
The failure to help in the house and to help with the raising of the children are well-known weaknesses of husbands. The video makes it clear that Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) helped in the house, and Abdul Malik Mujahid says that a man cannot be an ideal Muslim husband, or even close to a good husband, if he leaves the responsibility of children completely to the mother. Khadija Haffagee tells the story of a father who took a three-month-old infant to pray with him and after the prayer did the 'tasbih" on the child's hand. This, she said, was training by the father. Dr. Quick warns that when training our children, we should be careful not to raise sons with a double standard where they have no household responsibilities. If we do, they will likely grow up with the attitude that they don't need to do this kind of work --- that they are above it.
Prophet: An Ideal Father
As a beautiful example of a healthy father-child relationship, Abdul Malik Mujahid tells the story of how the Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) used to stand up for his daughter Fatima, kiss her, and give her his seat when she came to him. This was in an age when people preferred sons and looked down on having daughters. With this simple act, the Prophet (SAWS) showed us how to express love and affection for our children --- an essential quality for an ideal Muslim husband.
An Ideal Ex-Husband
Being an ideal Muslim husband, however, goes even farther than the marriage, Dr. Quick points out. Even after a divorce, a Muslim husband must strive to be the best ex-husband. A husband shouldn't be Mr. Kindness in marriage and then treat his wife badly in divorce, Dr. Quick says. He must divorce her in the best manner with good treatment.
Other Valuable Advises
This video goes beyond just talking about an ideal Muslim husband and deals with ways to improve the family. It attempts to prevent many marital problems by advising young people who want to get married. After informing them about what makes an ideal Muslim husband, it cautions them to be concerned about these qualities ---not just the material aspects --- when considering a prospective spouse.
In fact, what emerges from the video is that being an ideal Muslim husband has very little or nothing to do with the amount of money one has, physical beauty, or the prestige of one's job. Rather, it has to do with one's commitment to Allah (), one's knowledge of and willingness to follow the guidance of Allah () and the Prophet's example, and one's commitment to do righteousness even in difficult situations. The ideal Muslim husband should be humble, gentle, kind, considerate, caring, loving, open to good advice, willing to cooperate with others in the family rather than dictate rules, helpful in the house, involved in raising the children, and never abusive either physically or mentally.
No doubt, this is a very tall order. Becoming an ideal Muslim husband will certainly not be easy. It will take a jihad against 'jahiliyyah" thinking, selfishness, ego, vanity, anger, pride, and arrogance.
Bottom Line
Full of excellent advice, encouragement, and wisdom, this video should help any Muslim husband to improve. Although there are no guarantees that he will ever become an ideal Muslim husband, it will, InshaAllah, start him on the way.
Islam & Marriage
Islam & Marriage
Spouses
Allah, most Gracious says about spouses in Quran:
Among His signs is [the fact] that He has created spouses for you among yourselves so that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has planted love and mercy between you; In that are signs for people who reflect.
Qur'an [30 : 21]
and says:
... they are a garment for you and you are a garment to them ...
Qur'an [2 : 187]
Consider this in conjunction with the following verse:
... the best garment is the garment of God-consciousness ...
Qur'an [7 : 26]
It requires that a husband and wife should be as garments for each other. Just as garments are for protection, comfort, show and concealment for human beings, Allah expects husbands and wives to be for one another.
And the believers, men and women, are protecting friends of one another; they enjoin the right and forbid the wrong, and they establish worship and they pay the poor-due, and they obey Allah and His messenger; as for those, Allah will have mercy on them; Lo! Allah is Mighty, Wise. Allah hath promised to believers - men and women - gardens underwhich rivers flow, to dwell therein, and beautiful mansions in gardens of everlasting bliss; but the greatest bliss is the good pleasure of Allah: This is the supreme felicity.
Qur'an [9 : 71 - 72]
Whom to marry
Allah also gives us freedom and urges us to:
...Marry the women of your choice...
Qur'an [4 : 3]
Similarly, for the women:
"A girl came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and informed him that her father had married her to her cousin against her wishes, whereupon the Prophet allowed her to exercise her choice. She then said, 'I am reconciled to what my father did but I wanted to make it known to women that fathers have no say in this matter'".
[Ibn Majah]
Narrated Abdullah: "We were with the Prophet, peace be upon him, while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Apostle, peace be upon him, said, `O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power.'"
[Bukhari]
Narrated Abu Huraira: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty, and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman [otherwise] you will be a loser.'"
[Bukhari]
Mahr
Mahr is the gift that is given by the husband to his wife at wedding. It can be anything in any amount, as agreed by the bride and bride-groom. Allah says about Mahr in the Chapter 'Woman' in Quran:
And give the women (on marriage) their Mahr as a free gift ...
Qur'an [4 : 4]
Mahr is the gift that is given by the husband to his wife at wedding. It can be anything in any amount, as agreed by the bride and bride-groom. Allah says about Mahr in the Chapter `Woman' in Quran:
And give the women (on marriage) their Mahr as a free gift ...
Qur'an [4 : 4]
Narrated Sahl bin Sa`d: " A woman came to the Prophet,, and presented herself to him (for marriage). He said, 'I am not in need of women these days.' Then a man said, 'O Allah's Apostle! Marry her to me." The Prophet asked him, 'What have you got?' He said, 'I have got nothing.' The Prophet said, 'Give her something, even an iron ring.' He said, 'I have got nothing.' The Prophet asked (him), "How much of the Quran do you know (by heart)?' He said, 'So much and so much.' The Prophet said, 'I have married her to you for what you know of the Quran.' '"
[Bukhari]
Sex
Sex is seen as an act of procreation. An eye for the what is about to come is kept open in this respect as well. The following prayer reminds us of God, results of our actions, and reminds us of our commitment to train our offsprings.
Narrated Ibn Abbas: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `If anyone of you, when having a sexual intercourse with his wife says:
In the name of Allah! O Allah! Protect me from Satan and protect what you bestow upon us (i.e. an offspring) from Satan.
and if it is destined that they should have a child, then Satan will never be able to harm him.'"
[Bukhari]
Walima
Walima is the wedding reception given to friends and family after the consummation of marriage. It is given by the husband on this auspicious occassion, showing his happiness and sharing it with the friends and family.
Narrated Anas: When 'Abdur-Rahman came to us, the Prophet established a bond of brotherhood between him and Sa'd bin Ar-Rabi'. Once the Prophet said, "As you (O 'Abdur-Rahman) have married, give a wedding banquet even if with one sheep." '"
[Bukhari]
Narrated Abu Musa: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `Set the captives free, accept the invitation (including to a wedding banquet), and pay a visit to the patients.'"
[Bukhari]
By this saying of the Prophet, peace be upon him, it is also enjoined upon us to join in the happiness of our brothers.
Duties and Rights of Husband and Wife after marriage
Allah informs us about the just rights of each other on us:
... the wife's rights (with regard to their husbands) are equal to the (husband's) rights with regard to them, although men are a degree above them; and Allah is Almighty, Wise.
Qur'an [2 : 228]
The statement that men are a degree above women means that authority within the household has been give to the husband in preference to the wife because a heavier burden has been placed on his shoulders by another verse of the Quran which says: Men shall take full care of women, because Allah has given the one more strength than the other, and because they support them from their means.Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard ...
Qur'an [4 : 34]
Advice to Husbands
Jabir Narrated that the Prophet, peace be upon him, gave these instructions in his sermon during Farewell Pilgrimage: "Fear God regarding women; for you have taken them [in marriage] with the trust of God."
[Mishkat]
Narrated Aisha, God's messenger said: "Among the believers who show most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition, and are kindest to their families."
[Tirmidhi]
Narrated Abu Huraira, God's messenger said: "The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition and the best of you are those who are best to their wives."
[Tirmidhi]
Aisha has related that the Holy Prophet, peace be upon him, would enter the house with a pleasing disposition and a smile on his lips.
[Uswa-i-Hasana]
Narrated Al-Aswad: "I asked Aisha, `What did the Prophet, peace be upon him, do at home?' She said, `He used to work for his family and when he heard the call for the prayer, he would go out.'"
[Bukhari]
Narrated Abu Huraira: "Allah's Apostle, peace be upon him, said, `The woman is like a rib; if you try to straighten her, she will break. So if you want to get benefit from her, do so while she still has some bent.'"
[Bukhari]
Narrated Abu Huraira: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should not hurt (trouble) his neighbor. And I advise you to take care of women, for they are created from a rib and the most crooked portion of the rib is its upper part; if you try to straighten it, it will break, and if you leave it, it will reamin crooked, so I urge you to take care of women.
[Bukhari]
Narrated Abdullah bin Amr bin Al-As: "Allah's Apostle, peace be upon him, said, `O Abdullah! Have I not been informed that you fast all the day and stand in prayer all night?' I said, `Yes, O Allah's Apostle!' He said, `Do not do that! Observe the fast sometimes and also leave them at other times; stand up for the prayer at night and also sleep at night. Your body has a right over you and your eyes have right over you and your wife has a right over you.'"
[Bukhari]
Narrated Ibn Umar: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `All of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards. The ruler is a guardian and the man is a guardian of his family; the lady is a guardian who is responsible for her husband's house and his offspring; and so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards.'"
[Bukhari]
Men should forbear any shortcomings of women in view of the following verse of Quran:
Live with them in kindness; even if you dislike them, perhaps you dislike something in which God has placed much good.
Qur'an [4 : 19]
Advice to Wives
Anas reported God's messenger as saying, "When a woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of paradise she wishes (in other words nothing will prevent her from entering paradise)."
[Mishkat]
Um Salama reported God's messenger as saying, "Any woman who dies when her husband is pleased with her will enter Paradise."
[Tirmidhi]
Abu Huraira told that when God's messenger was asked which woman was best, he replied, "The one who fills [her husband] with joy when he sees her, obeys him when he directs and does not oppose him by displeasing him regarding her person or property."
[Mishkat]
Providing for wife and family
Quran teaches us to be reasonable and fair to our wives and family.
House women wherever you reside, accoding to your circumstances, and do not harass them in order to make life difficult for them ...
Qur'an [65 : 6]
The statement of Allah in the chapter `Woman':
`Men are protectors and maintainers of women ...'
Qur'an [4 : 34]
Bukhari quotes the following verse under the heading: .. the superiority of providing for one's family:
(O Mohammed!) They ask you what they ought to spend. Say: That which is beyond your needs. Thus Allah make clear to you His Signs in order that you may give thought (to it) in this worldly life and the Hereafter ...
Qur'an [2 : 219-220]
Narrated Abu Masud Al-Ansari: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `When a Muslim spends something on his family intending to receive Allah's reward, it is regarded as Sadqa (spending in the name of God) for him.'"
[Bukhari]
We should always remember that Allah is the one who gives us, we are mere trustees of the funds.
Narrated Abu Huraira: "Allah's Apostle, peace be upon him, said, `Allah said, O the son of Adam! Spend, and I shall spend on you.'"
[Bukhari]
Narrated Abu Huraira: "Allah's Apostle, peace be upon him, said, `The best alms is that which you give when you are rich, and you should support your dependants first.'"
[Bukhari]
Abu Huraira reported God's messenger, peace be upon him, as saying: "Of the dinar (unit of currency) that you spend as a contribution in God's path, or to set free a slave, or as charity given to a needy, or to support your family, the one yielding the greatest reward is that which you spent on your family.
[Muslim]
Some General Tips for a Muslim Wedding
There are plenty of things to consider in wedding planning and arrangement. These are a few things which are either unknown or forgotten:
Invite the poor
According to one Hadith, the worst meal is the feast of a Walima in which rich people are invited and poor people are left out.
Don't let your Walima be a class-based affair. Make sure that all guests are welcome, regardless of their economic situation.
Invite a multiethnic audience
Make your wedding party more representative of the Ummah (the worldwide Muslim community) by inviting Muslims of different ethnic backgrounds, whether it's the local Imam and his family who are Turkish, the African-American Muslima who accepted Islam recently or the Lebanese family in your neighborhood.
Practice gender privacy at your wedding
This means providing women-only space where sisters who observe different levels and types of Hijab feel comfortable.
Most sisters like to dress up for a wedding, but they want to enjoy themselves without being watched by strange men. Also remember that your other guests have nothing to lose with this kind of set up so in the end, providing for women-only space works out for the best for everyone.
There are different ways to accommodate women-only space in a hall.
You can have separate rooms for men and women. This is the ideal solution for maximum privacy.
You can have a room in which there is a curtain or a row of tall plants.
In larger halls, you can make two distinct areas.
If your family tradition is not to have weddings arranged in this way, consider this: you will Insha Allah (if Allah wills) receive Allah's blessings if you do so for seeking to accommodate your guests and trying to observe an Islamic practice which has been in place for about 1400 years.
In programs where women-only space is provided, children need to be divided up between parents. Older boys should stay with their dads. Older girls stay with mom. Young girls who are toilet trained can also go with dad.
It should also be remembered that professional photographers can violate the privacy of individuals by taking photos or videos without their consent. If you are taking photos or videos make sure not to include non-relatives or those who do not want their picture taken.
Set up a hospitality line
This is a line of hosts who will welcome guests when they arrive at the wedding.
Those who will be included in the hospitality line need to be told in advance that they will be part of it. They should not be told once they reach the hall for the wedding.
Have the hosts make rounds during dinner
When guests are digging into dinner, hosts should go around, making sure everyone has what they need and inviting those who are finished to take more.
Set the stage
It should be decided by the hall committee who will sit on stage at the wedding and exactly where. This has to be done carefully. The feelings of relatives and close family friends are important to consider when making decisions about this.
Make sure to set up a gift table
Where are you going to put all those goodies? Set up a specific gift table near the stage with a sign saying "Please put gifts here. Thank you."
Mind the bathrooms
Take into account how many guests are coming and see if the washrooms at the hall are big enough. If it's a large gathering, request hall administrators to have a cleaning person come in every half hour or so to clean up quickly in between.
Also, if one of the prayers occurs during the wedding, that means the washrooms will be used for Wudu (ablution before prayer). Ask the hall administrators to accommodate this by providing extra paper towels.
Avoid making unnecessary announcements
Avoid making unnecessary announcements of any sort during the program and keep the microphone close by so children do not mess around with it.
Spouses
Allah, most Gracious says about spouses in Quran:
Among His signs is [the fact] that He has created spouses for you among yourselves so that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has planted love and mercy between you; In that are signs for people who reflect.
Qur'an [30 : 21]
and says:
... they are a garment for you and you are a garment to them ...
Qur'an [2 : 187]
Consider this in conjunction with the following verse:
... the best garment is the garment of God-consciousness ...
Qur'an [7 : 26]
It requires that a husband and wife should be as garments for each other. Just as garments are for protection, comfort, show and concealment for human beings, Allah expects husbands and wives to be for one another.
And the believers, men and women, are protecting friends of one another; they enjoin the right and forbid the wrong, and they establish worship and they pay the poor-due, and they obey Allah and His messenger; as for those, Allah will have mercy on them; Lo! Allah is Mighty, Wise. Allah hath promised to believers - men and women - gardens underwhich rivers flow, to dwell therein, and beautiful mansions in gardens of everlasting bliss; but the greatest bliss is the good pleasure of Allah: This is the supreme felicity.
Qur'an [9 : 71 - 72]
Whom to marry
Allah also gives us freedom and urges us to:
...Marry the women of your choice...
Qur'an [4 : 3]
Similarly, for the women:
"A girl came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and informed him that her father had married her to her cousin against her wishes, whereupon the Prophet allowed her to exercise her choice. She then said, 'I am reconciled to what my father did but I wanted to make it known to women that fathers have no say in this matter'".
[Ibn Majah]
Narrated Abdullah: "We were with the Prophet, peace be upon him, while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Apostle, peace be upon him, said, `O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power.'"
[Bukhari]
Narrated Abu Huraira: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty, and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman [otherwise] you will be a loser.'"
[Bukhari]
Mahr
Mahr is the gift that is given by the husband to his wife at wedding. It can be anything in any amount, as agreed by the bride and bride-groom. Allah says about Mahr in the Chapter 'Woman' in Quran:
And give the women (on marriage) their Mahr as a free gift ...
Qur'an [4 : 4]
Mahr is the gift that is given by the husband to his wife at wedding. It can be anything in any amount, as agreed by the bride and bride-groom. Allah says about Mahr in the Chapter `Woman' in Quran:
And give the women (on marriage) their Mahr as a free gift ...
Qur'an [4 : 4]
Narrated Sahl bin Sa`d: " A woman came to the Prophet,, and presented herself to him (for marriage). He said, 'I am not in need of women these days.' Then a man said, 'O Allah's Apostle! Marry her to me." The Prophet asked him, 'What have you got?' He said, 'I have got nothing.' The Prophet said, 'Give her something, even an iron ring.' He said, 'I have got nothing.' The Prophet asked (him), "How much of the Quran do you know (by heart)?' He said, 'So much and so much.' The Prophet said, 'I have married her to you for what you know of the Quran.' '"
[Bukhari]
Sex
Sex is seen as an act of procreation. An eye for the what is about to come is kept open in this respect as well. The following prayer reminds us of God, results of our actions, and reminds us of our commitment to train our offsprings.
Narrated Ibn Abbas: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `If anyone of you, when having a sexual intercourse with his wife says:
In the name of Allah! O Allah! Protect me from Satan and protect what you bestow upon us (i.e. an offspring) from Satan.
and if it is destined that they should have a child, then Satan will never be able to harm him.'"
[Bukhari]
Walima
Walima is the wedding reception given to friends and family after the consummation of marriage. It is given by the husband on this auspicious occassion, showing his happiness and sharing it with the friends and family.
Narrated Anas: When 'Abdur-Rahman came to us, the Prophet established a bond of brotherhood between him and Sa'd bin Ar-Rabi'. Once the Prophet said, "As you (O 'Abdur-Rahman) have married, give a wedding banquet even if with one sheep." '"
[Bukhari]
Narrated Abu Musa: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `Set the captives free, accept the invitation (including to a wedding banquet), and pay a visit to the patients.'"
[Bukhari]
By this saying of the Prophet, peace be upon him, it is also enjoined upon us to join in the happiness of our brothers.
Duties and Rights of Husband and Wife after marriage
Allah informs us about the just rights of each other on us:
... the wife's rights (with regard to their husbands) are equal to the (husband's) rights with regard to them, although men are a degree above them; and Allah is Almighty, Wise.
Qur'an [2 : 228]
The statement that men are a degree above women means that authority within the household has been give to the husband in preference to the wife because a heavier burden has been placed on his shoulders by another verse of the Quran which says: Men shall take full care of women, because Allah has given the one more strength than the other, and because they support them from their means.Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard ...
Qur'an [4 : 34]
Advice to Husbands
Jabir Narrated that the Prophet, peace be upon him, gave these instructions in his sermon during Farewell Pilgrimage: "Fear God regarding women; for you have taken them [in marriage] with the trust of God."
[Mishkat]
Narrated Aisha, God's messenger said: "Among the believers who show most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition, and are kindest to their families."
[Tirmidhi]
Narrated Abu Huraira, God's messenger said: "The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition and the best of you are those who are best to their wives."
[Tirmidhi]
Aisha has related that the Holy Prophet, peace be upon him, would enter the house with a pleasing disposition and a smile on his lips.
[Uswa-i-Hasana]
Narrated Al-Aswad: "I asked Aisha, `What did the Prophet, peace be upon him, do at home?' She said, `He used to work for his family and when he heard the call for the prayer, he would go out.'"
[Bukhari]
Narrated Abu Huraira: "Allah's Apostle, peace be upon him, said, `The woman is like a rib; if you try to straighten her, she will break. So if you want to get benefit from her, do so while she still has some bent.'"
[Bukhari]
Narrated Abu Huraira: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should not hurt (trouble) his neighbor. And I advise you to take care of women, for they are created from a rib and the most crooked portion of the rib is its upper part; if you try to straighten it, it will break, and if you leave it, it will reamin crooked, so I urge you to take care of women.
[Bukhari]
Narrated Abdullah bin Amr bin Al-As: "Allah's Apostle, peace be upon him, said, `O Abdullah! Have I not been informed that you fast all the day and stand in prayer all night?' I said, `Yes, O Allah's Apostle!' He said, `Do not do that! Observe the fast sometimes and also leave them at other times; stand up for the prayer at night and also sleep at night. Your body has a right over you and your eyes have right over you and your wife has a right over you.'"
[Bukhari]
Narrated Ibn Umar: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `All of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards. The ruler is a guardian and the man is a guardian of his family; the lady is a guardian who is responsible for her husband's house and his offspring; and so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards.'"
[Bukhari]
Men should forbear any shortcomings of women in view of the following verse of Quran:
Live with them in kindness; even if you dislike them, perhaps you dislike something in which God has placed much good.
Qur'an [4 : 19]
Advice to Wives
Anas reported God's messenger as saying, "When a woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of paradise she wishes (in other words nothing will prevent her from entering paradise)."
[Mishkat]
Um Salama reported God's messenger as saying, "Any woman who dies when her husband is pleased with her will enter Paradise."
[Tirmidhi]
Abu Huraira told that when God's messenger was asked which woman was best, he replied, "The one who fills [her husband] with joy when he sees her, obeys him when he directs and does not oppose him by displeasing him regarding her person or property."
[Mishkat]
Providing for wife and family
Quran teaches us to be reasonable and fair to our wives and family.
House women wherever you reside, accoding to your circumstances, and do not harass them in order to make life difficult for them ...
Qur'an [65 : 6]
The statement of Allah in the chapter `Woman':
`Men are protectors and maintainers of women ...'
Qur'an [4 : 34]
Bukhari quotes the following verse under the heading: .. the superiority of providing for one's family:
(O Mohammed!) They ask you what they ought to spend. Say: That which is beyond your needs. Thus Allah make clear to you His Signs in order that you may give thought (to it) in this worldly life and the Hereafter ...
Qur'an [2 : 219-220]
Narrated Abu Masud Al-Ansari: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `When a Muslim spends something on his family intending to receive Allah's reward, it is regarded as Sadqa (spending in the name of God) for him.'"
[Bukhari]
We should always remember that Allah is the one who gives us, we are mere trustees of the funds.
Narrated Abu Huraira: "Allah's Apostle, peace be upon him, said, `Allah said, O the son of Adam! Spend, and I shall spend on you.'"
[Bukhari]
Narrated Abu Huraira: "Allah's Apostle, peace be upon him, said, `The best alms is that which you give when you are rich, and you should support your dependants first.'"
[Bukhari]
Abu Huraira reported God's messenger, peace be upon him, as saying: "Of the dinar (unit of currency) that you spend as a contribution in God's path, or to set free a slave, or as charity given to a needy, or to support your family, the one yielding the greatest reward is that which you spent on your family.
[Muslim]
Some General Tips for a Muslim Wedding
There are plenty of things to consider in wedding planning and arrangement. These are a few things which are either unknown or forgotten:
Invite the poor
According to one Hadith, the worst meal is the feast of a Walima in which rich people are invited and poor people are left out.
Don't let your Walima be a class-based affair. Make sure that all guests are welcome, regardless of their economic situation.
Invite a multiethnic audience
Make your wedding party more representative of the Ummah (the worldwide Muslim community) by inviting Muslims of different ethnic backgrounds, whether it's the local Imam and his family who are Turkish, the African-American Muslima who accepted Islam recently or the Lebanese family in your neighborhood.
Practice gender privacy at your wedding
This means providing women-only space where sisters who observe different levels and types of Hijab feel comfortable.
Most sisters like to dress up for a wedding, but they want to enjoy themselves without being watched by strange men. Also remember that your other guests have nothing to lose with this kind of set up so in the end, providing for women-only space works out for the best for everyone.
There are different ways to accommodate women-only space in a hall.
You can have separate rooms for men and women. This is the ideal solution for maximum privacy.
You can have a room in which there is a curtain or a row of tall plants.
In larger halls, you can make two distinct areas.
If your family tradition is not to have weddings arranged in this way, consider this: you will Insha Allah (if Allah wills) receive Allah's blessings if you do so for seeking to accommodate your guests and trying to observe an Islamic practice which has been in place for about 1400 years.
In programs where women-only space is provided, children need to be divided up between parents. Older boys should stay with their dads. Older girls stay with mom. Young girls who are toilet trained can also go with dad.
It should also be remembered that professional photographers can violate the privacy of individuals by taking photos or videos without their consent. If you are taking photos or videos make sure not to include non-relatives or those who do not want their picture taken.
Set up a hospitality line
This is a line of hosts who will welcome guests when they arrive at the wedding.
Those who will be included in the hospitality line need to be told in advance that they will be part of it. They should not be told once they reach the hall for the wedding.
Have the hosts make rounds during dinner
When guests are digging into dinner, hosts should go around, making sure everyone has what they need and inviting those who are finished to take more.
Set the stage
It should be decided by the hall committee who will sit on stage at the wedding and exactly where. This has to be done carefully. The feelings of relatives and close family friends are important to consider when making decisions about this.
Make sure to set up a gift table
Where are you going to put all those goodies? Set up a specific gift table near the stage with a sign saying "Please put gifts here. Thank you."
Mind the bathrooms
Take into account how many guests are coming and see if the washrooms at the hall are big enough. If it's a large gathering, request hall administrators to have a cleaning person come in every half hour or so to clean up quickly in between.
Also, if one of the prayers occurs during the wedding, that means the washrooms will be used for Wudu (ablution before prayer). Ask the hall administrators to accommodate this by providing extra paper towels.
Avoid making unnecessary announcements
Avoid making unnecessary announcements of any sort during the program and keep the microphone close by so children do not mess around with it.
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