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Thursday, June 3, 2010
Reviving Our Sense of Gheerah
Reviving Our Sense of Gheerah
By Fatima Barakatullah
We live in societies in which most men and women have lost their sense of modesty, women are obsessed with their appearances and wear clothes to be seen by others and to attract the attention of other men even if they are married! They have lost their sense of shame. Marriage is often looked upon as old-fashioned and short term affairs and frivolous relationships are the norm, everyone waiting to attract a better partner and feeling totally justified to dump one partner for another at the drop of a hat. Feminism too has reached its peak and men and women are told to suppress their natural emotions. Men are not even embarrassed when their wives are dressed up and attract the attention of other men, they don’t mind if another man sees, chats, laughs and even dances with their womenfolk and if they do mind, they are told not to be so possessive!
In Islam we have a concept of Gheerah. Gheerah is an Arabic word which means protectiveness or jealousy. It is a good type of jealousy, like when a man feels jealous or protective over his wife or sisters and other-womenfolk and doesn’t like other men to look at them. It is a natural inbuilt feeling Allah has given men and women. The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) had the most Gheerah for his wives and all of the companions were known for their Gheerah.
All Muslim men should have a collective sense of protectiveness for Muslim women as Allah says in the Qur’an, the meaning of which is: “The Men are the protectors and maintainers of women…” (Surah An-Nisaa, Ayah 34).
Men who do not care about how their women behave and appear in front of other men and don’t enforce hijaab upon their wives or women-folk are called Dayyooth. Being a Dayyooth is a major sin and a detailed discription of this evil characteristic can be found in adh-Dhahabee’s book of Major Sins (Kitaab ul-Kabaa’ir).
A Story of Gheerah
To further understand the quality of Gheerah, we can look at an incident that Asmaa’ radiallahu 'anhaa) the daughter of Abu Bakr As-Siddeeq (radiallahu 'anhu) and sister of Aisha (radiallaahu 'anhaa), relates about herself. Abu Bakr was a wealthy merchant and he married his daughter Asmaa’ to the great companion Az-Zubayr ibn al-‘Awwam (radiallahu 'anhu) who was a very poor man but a man of great piety and one of the companions who were promised Paradise.
Asmaa’ relates: “When az-Zubayr married me, he had neither land nor wealth nor slave…”, so Asmaa’ had to work very hard kneading dough, going far off to get water. “And I used to carry on my head,” she continues, “the date stones from the land of az-Zubair which Allah’s Messenger (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) had endowed him and it was a distance of two miles from Madeenah. One day, as I was carrying the date-stones upon my head, I happened to meet Allah’s Messenger (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam), along with a group of his Companions. He called me and told the camel to sit down so that he could make me ride behind him. I felt shy to go with men and I remembered az-Zubair and his Gheerah and he was a man having the most Gheerah. The Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) understood my shyness and left. I came to az-Zubair and said: “The Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) met me as I was carrying date-stones upon my head and there was with him a group of his Companions. He told the camel to kneel so that I could mount it, but I felt shy and I remembered your Gheerah.” So Asmaa’ declined the offer made by the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam). Upon this az-Zubair said: “By Allah, the thought of you carrying date-stones upon your head is more severe a burden on me than you riding with him.” (related in Saheeh Al-Bukhari)
Look at the sense of dignity and modesty of Asmaa’! See how she felt shy in front of men? See how careful she was about her husband’s feelings? She knew that her husband had a lot of Gheerah so she didn’t want to upset him by accepting the Prophet’s (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) help even though the Prophet was the purest of men and even though it meant bringing hardship on herself! And look at Az-Zubair (radiallahu 'anhu), even though he had a lot of Gheerah, he didn’t want to inconvenience his wife. What a beautiful relationship they had!
Nurturing Our Sense of Gheerah
Sometimes Muslim women don’t understand if their menfolk want them to cover their faces or if they ask them to change something about the way they dress or speak in public, thinking that the men are being over-protective. But my dear sisters! If your husband asks you not to wear a certain colour of khimaar because it brings out the beauty of your eyes, or if he wants you to cover your face – by Allah, be thankful! Be proud of the fact that your husband has a sense of Gheerah for you and that he values you and cares for your hereafter. He knows what men can be like more than you do and so never try and suppress his Gheerah in these types of matters. And his concern for you should incite your own sense of honor! Why should any man be able to see your beauty and think indecent thoughts about you? We must nurture our own and our menfolk’s sense of Gheerah by behaving and dressing modestly ourselves and paying attention to their valid opinions. We expect certain behavior from them and they expect it of us. And besides, if our husband asks us to do something that it not haraam, we must do it.
And Brothers! How can you allow your wife or sister to walk around attracting the attentions and evil-thoughts of other men? How can you not mind if she smiles as she talks to other men. Nobody has the right to enjoy her and her company but you and her Maharim men. You are not being overbearing if you first encourage and then enforce the hijaab on your womenfolk because YOU will be asked about it on the Day of Judgement and it is also a major sin upon YOU! It is upon the men to enforce these things in their homes and you cannot use the excuse that your wife didn’t want to. Women need a firm, balanced, guiding hand from their men, so with wisdom you must enforce hijaab in your home. You are a shepherd and are responsible for your flock! Allah reminds us all in the Qur’an, the meaning of which is: “Oh you who believe, Protect yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones.” (At-Tahreem, Aayah 6)
There is a big difference between how Islam values and protects women and how cheaply women are treated outside of Islam! As Muslims we have to be careful that our Hayaa’ (sense of modesty and shame) and Gheerah don’t wear out in a society in which people have lost it.
By Fatima Barakatullah
We live in societies in which most men and women have lost their sense of modesty, women are obsessed with their appearances and wear clothes to be seen by others and to attract the attention of other men even if they are married! They have lost their sense of shame. Marriage is often looked upon as old-fashioned and short term affairs and frivolous relationships are the norm, everyone waiting to attract a better partner and feeling totally justified to dump one partner for another at the drop of a hat. Feminism too has reached its peak and men and women are told to suppress their natural emotions. Men are not even embarrassed when their wives are dressed up and attract the attention of other men, they don’t mind if another man sees, chats, laughs and even dances with their womenfolk and if they do mind, they are told not to be so possessive!
In Islam we have a concept of Gheerah. Gheerah is an Arabic word which means protectiveness or jealousy. It is a good type of jealousy, like when a man feels jealous or protective over his wife or sisters and other-womenfolk and doesn’t like other men to look at them. It is a natural inbuilt feeling Allah has given men and women. The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) had the most Gheerah for his wives and all of the companions were known for their Gheerah.
All Muslim men should have a collective sense of protectiveness for Muslim women as Allah says in the Qur’an, the meaning of which is: “The Men are the protectors and maintainers of women…” (Surah An-Nisaa, Ayah 34).
Men who do not care about how their women behave and appear in front of other men and don’t enforce hijaab upon their wives or women-folk are called Dayyooth. Being a Dayyooth is a major sin and a detailed discription of this evil characteristic can be found in adh-Dhahabee’s book of Major Sins (Kitaab ul-Kabaa’ir).
A Story of Gheerah
To further understand the quality of Gheerah, we can look at an incident that Asmaa’ radiallahu 'anhaa) the daughter of Abu Bakr As-Siddeeq (radiallahu 'anhu) and sister of Aisha (radiallaahu 'anhaa), relates about herself. Abu Bakr was a wealthy merchant and he married his daughter Asmaa’ to the great companion Az-Zubayr ibn al-‘Awwam (radiallahu 'anhu) who was a very poor man but a man of great piety and one of the companions who were promised Paradise.
Asmaa’ relates: “When az-Zubayr married me, he had neither land nor wealth nor slave…”, so Asmaa’ had to work very hard kneading dough, going far off to get water. “And I used to carry on my head,” she continues, “the date stones from the land of az-Zubair which Allah’s Messenger (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) had endowed him and it was a distance of two miles from Madeenah. One day, as I was carrying the date-stones upon my head, I happened to meet Allah’s Messenger (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam), along with a group of his Companions. He called me and told the camel to sit down so that he could make me ride behind him. I felt shy to go with men and I remembered az-Zubair and his Gheerah and he was a man having the most Gheerah. The Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) understood my shyness and left. I came to az-Zubair and said: “The Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) met me as I was carrying date-stones upon my head and there was with him a group of his Companions. He told the camel to kneel so that I could mount it, but I felt shy and I remembered your Gheerah.” So Asmaa’ declined the offer made by the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam). Upon this az-Zubair said: “By Allah, the thought of you carrying date-stones upon your head is more severe a burden on me than you riding with him.” (related in Saheeh Al-Bukhari)
Look at the sense of dignity and modesty of Asmaa’! See how she felt shy in front of men? See how careful she was about her husband’s feelings? She knew that her husband had a lot of Gheerah so she didn’t want to upset him by accepting the Prophet’s (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) help even though the Prophet was the purest of men and even though it meant bringing hardship on herself! And look at Az-Zubair (radiallahu 'anhu), even though he had a lot of Gheerah, he didn’t want to inconvenience his wife. What a beautiful relationship they had!
Nurturing Our Sense of Gheerah
Sometimes Muslim women don’t understand if their menfolk want them to cover their faces or if they ask them to change something about the way they dress or speak in public, thinking that the men are being over-protective. But my dear sisters! If your husband asks you not to wear a certain colour of khimaar because it brings out the beauty of your eyes, or if he wants you to cover your face – by Allah, be thankful! Be proud of the fact that your husband has a sense of Gheerah for you and that he values you and cares for your hereafter. He knows what men can be like more than you do and so never try and suppress his Gheerah in these types of matters. And his concern for you should incite your own sense of honor! Why should any man be able to see your beauty and think indecent thoughts about you? We must nurture our own and our menfolk’s sense of Gheerah by behaving and dressing modestly ourselves and paying attention to their valid opinions. We expect certain behavior from them and they expect it of us. And besides, if our husband asks us to do something that it not haraam, we must do it.
And Brothers! How can you allow your wife or sister to walk around attracting the attentions and evil-thoughts of other men? How can you not mind if she smiles as she talks to other men. Nobody has the right to enjoy her and her company but you and her Maharim men. You are not being overbearing if you first encourage and then enforce the hijaab on your womenfolk because YOU will be asked about it on the Day of Judgement and it is also a major sin upon YOU! It is upon the men to enforce these things in their homes and you cannot use the excuse that your wife didn’t want to. Women need a firm, balanced, guiding hand from their men, so with wisdom you must enforce hijaab in your home. You are a shepherd and are responsible for your flock! Allah reminds us all in the Qur’an, the meaning of which is: “Oh you who believe, Protect yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones.” (At-Tahreem, Aayah 6)
There is a big difference between how Islam values and protects women and how cheaply women are treated outside of Islam! As Muslims we have to be careful that our Hayaa’ (sense of modesty and shame) and Gheerah don’t wear out in a society in which people have lost it.
www.doshiza.com
Abd al-Malik (Radiyallaahu 'anhaa) said: "When ‘Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most highly respected leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah, married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn ‘Amr al-Kindi, as she was made ready to be taken to the groom, her mother, Umamah came into her room to advise her and said:
"O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you posses these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.
"O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father's wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.
"O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion to whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you, he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.
"Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you:
"The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one's husband pleases Allah.
"The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be
found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.
"The fifth and sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.
"The seventh and eight of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.
"The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be
filled with hatred towards you.
"Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment whilst the latter will make him unhappy.
"O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you posses these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.
"O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father's wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.
"O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion to whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you, he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.
"Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you:
"The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one's husband pleases Allah.
"The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be
found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.
"The fifth and sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.
"The seventh and eight of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.
"The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be
filled with hatred towards you.
"Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment whilst the latter will make him unhappy.
35 Gift Ideas for a Muslim Woman
35 Gift Ideas for a Muslim Woman
By Wael Abdelgawad
Can't decide what to get your wife for Eid, or your anniversary, or her birthday?
Why is gift-giving so hard for men? Maybe it's a part of the mystery that women represent to us. We don't always understand how they think, or what moves them.
When it comes to gift-giving, at least, here's a big hint for you: listen.
Are you waiting for the hint? No, that was the hint. Listen.
Women will tell you what they want, if you pay attention. Next time you're passing a shop window and she says, "Oh, look at those shoes, those are lovely," make a note of it. Next time you're watching a travel show and she says, "Wouldn't it wonderful to see Niagara Falls someday?", pay attention. Women drop hints like this all the time. And when I say make a note of it, I mean literally. Keep a small notebook in a private place, and every time she drops a little hint, write it down. That way you'll never be short of gift ideas.
If youre the average Ahmed who can't be bothered with all that, and now you find yourself in a bind, here are some gift ideas that most women would love. I'll start off with the ones that cost nothign at all (or very little), and move on to ideas that will require you to break out the wallet:
1. A picnic. Plan it well, with good food, a comfortable blanket, and some books or games to pass the time as you relax in the shade.
2. Make a card. Don't just buy a Hallmark card. Make your own, draw a flower on it, and write something loving and heartfelt. It will only take you a couple of hours, no longer than it would to shop for something, and she will keep it forever, I guarantee it.
3. Take your wife someplace that has meaning for the two of you, like the first place you met, or the first house you lived in. Alternatively, take her to her childhood home or playground and let her share with you her reminiscences and memories.
4. Write her a poem. Take your time and try to write something sincere and personal.
5. Bake your wife a batch of chocolate chip cookies. This is a much nicer than just buying chocolate, and is an especially sweet gesture if you don't know much about cooking and have to work at it. Just make sure the cookies are edible!
6. Do you know how to cook? Cook her dinner, or bake a pie or cake, or some special sweet from your culture.
7. A nice dress or skirt, hijab scarf, a classy overcoat or jacket. www.doshiza.com has some beautiful clothing, like this linen tunic suit in the photo.
8. Take her shoe shopping. Women always love shoes! And I don't mean sneakers, but dress shoes. Women are notoriously choosy about their shoes, however, so don't try to pick out a pair on your own unless you know your wife's tastes and size very well.
9. A new purse or handbag. This is a rather personal choice for a woman, so make sure you retain the receipt so she can exchange it for something more to her liking.
10. A nice belt. Some women like belts and handbags even more than clothing, and love to have belts in various colors to complement their outfits.
11. Jewelry. It doesn't have to be terribly expensive. I once got my wife (ex-wife now) a turquoise necklace for $100 or so. Oh yes, she loved it (the divorce was over something else entirely, lol). I recently read an article on a stone called tanzanite. It's beautiful, natural, and not too pricey.
12. A new Quran with a wooden Quran stand, and handmade dhikr prayer beads for tasbeeha.
13. An Islamic artwork of some kind. I don't mean a framed poster of the Ka'bah (nothing wrong with that, I have one on my own wall, but it doesn't have that personal touch). I'm thinking more on the lines of a hand-painted canvas, calligraphy, engraved copperplate, engraved brass lamp, a mother-of-pearl plate or Islamic silver plate, etc. These can be hard to find in your locality but can sometimes be ordered online. The beautiful painting above depicts an old Arab home. It was painted by Abdallah Masad and is available at www.Doshiza.com
14.
15. A personalized photo locket. This would be a small metal locket on a chain, perhaps in a heart shape, with a personalized engraving on the outside, and a small photo inside.
16. Dinner at a nice restaurant. Someplace you would not go every day. It's always good to support Muslim-owned restaurants and Muslim businesses in general, if you have any in your area.
17. A beautiful flower vase, with fresh flowers in it.
18. A potted plant. Not something ordinary in a plastic pot, but something unusual like a bonsai, or a beautiful orchid, in an attractive ceramic planter.
19. A decorative photo frame with a photo of the two of you.
20. Is she a collector? If there's any type of art or craft that she likes or collects, get her one. Does she collect coins, stamps, glass figurines, home decorations with chickens on them (I'm not making that up)? Get her one.
21. A weekend trip somewhere. Even if you're not ready to go right now, make the reservations or by the tickets and let her know.
22. A new watch.
23. A pair of women's designer sunglasses.
24. If she likes gadgets, how about a new mobile phone, a Bluetooth mobile phone earpiece, a slim digital camera to fit in her purse, or even a laptop computer?
25. If she's into fitness, how about a new yoga mat, a bicycle, hiking shoes, tennis racket, etc? But only if she's already into it! Otherwise she'll take it as a hint that she's overweight :-)
26. If she's a working woman, how about a new briefcase? This tells her that you value and respect her work.
27. A set of natural bath products like soap, shampoo, bubble bath. Please try to buy cruelty-free products (not tested on animals).
28. Perfume oils. It helps if you know what she likes. If you don't, check what she's already got. Smell them and get to know the scents so you can pick something similar. But honestly, every husband should know his wife's favorite perfume.
29. A tea set, meaning tea pot, tea cups, and a collection of herbal teas.
30. A scented massage oil along with three handmade coupons saying, "Good for one massage on demand from your loving husband."
31. A gourmet basket with some of her favorite food treats, such as chocolates, cheeses, strawberries, or whatever you know to be her favorite tastes.
32. An attractive or artsy candle set, the kind they have in gift shops.
33. A subscription to a magazine for Muslim women, such as Aziza Magazine.
34. I'm hesitant to suggest this one because some women take it the wrong way or think it's unromantic, but something for the kitchen. A new kitchen appliance like a top-quality food processor, a set of quality cookware, etc. This is best for a woman who enjoys cooking.
35. In the same vein as #34, a set of Egyptian cotton towels for the bathrooms. These are wonderfully soft, but again it might be perceived as unromantic, so watch out. Caveat emptor!
36. An iPod that you have pre-loaded with Quran recitation by her favorite reciter, some of her favorite nasheeds, some good radio shows, etc. This is a wonderful gift for a woman who commutes, or who spends time every day on a treadmill, or even just to listen to while working or doing chores. This gift will take some money and some time to put together, but will give her hours of pleasure.
What NOT to get a Muslim woman as a gift:
1. Anything for cleaning the house, such as a vacuum cleaner, broom, mop, etc. This is like telling her that you see her only as a maid. Those things should be part of the normal household expenses, not gifts.
2. Groceries. True, if you don't normally do it then the gesture is nice, but it's too prosaic.
3. A sexy nightie. Not that this is un-Islamic, but it just seems a little tacky to me. It's like it's more for you than for her, if you get my meaning.
4. Anything that is really about you more than her, like a CD of your favorite band, a game box, a flat screen TV, etc. If you think that you might end up using it more than her, then chuck it and keep looking.
5. A "cool Muslim star and crescent cigarette lighter". Yes, I actually saw this on a website listed under "Muslim gifts."
Remember, pay attention and listen, and you'll never be short of gift ideas in the future.
By Wael Abdelgawad
Can't decide what to get your wife for Eid, or your anniversary, or her birthday?
Why is gift-giving so hard for men? Maybe it's a part of the mystery that women represent to us. We don't always understand how they think, or what moves them.
When it comes to gift-giving, at least, here's a big hint for you: listen.
Are you waiting for the hint? No, that was the hint. Listen.
Women will tell you what they want, if you pay attention. Next time you're passing a shop window and she says, "Oh, look at those shoes, those are lovely," make a note of it. Next time you're watching a travel show and she says, "Wouldn't it wonderful to see Niagara Falls someday?", pay attention. Women drop hints like this all the time. And when I say make a note of it, I mean literally. Keep a small notebook in a private place, and every time she drops a little hint, write it down. That way you'll never be short of gift ideas.
If youre the average Ahmed who can't be bothered with all that, and now you find yourself in a bind, here are some gift ideas that most women would love. I'll start off with the ones that cost nothign at all (or very little), and move on to ideas that will require you to break out the wallet:
1. A picnic. Plan it well, with good food, a comfortable blanket, and some books or games to pass the time as you relax in the shade.
2. Make a card. Don't just buy a Hallmark card. Make your own, draw a flower on it, and write something loving and heartfelt. It will only take you a couple of hours, no longer than it would to shop for something, and she will keep it forever, I guarantee it.
3. Take your wife someplace that has meaning for the two of you, like the first place you met, or the first house you lived in. Alternatively, take her to her childhood home or playground and let her share with you her reminiscences and memories.
4. Write her a poem. Take your time and try to write something sincere and personal.
5. Bake your wife a batch of chocolate chip cookies. This is a much nicer than just buying chocolate, and is an especially sweet gesture if you don't know much about cooking and have to work at it. Just make sure the cookies are edible!
6. Do you know how to cook? Cook her dinner, or bake a pie or cake, or some special sweet from your culture.
7. A nice dress or skirt, hijab scarf, a classy overcoat or jacket. www.doshiza.com has some beautiful clothing, like this linen tunic suit in the photo.
8. Take her shoe shopping. Women always love shoes! And I don't mean sneakers, but dress shoes. Women are notoriously choosy about their shoes, however, so don't try to pick out a pair on your own unless you know your wife's tastes and size very well.
9. A new purse or handbag. This is a rather personal choice for a woman, so make sure you retain the receipt so she can exchange it for something more to her liking.
10. A nice belt. Some women like belts and handbags even more than clothing, and love to have belts in various colors to complement their outfits.
11. Jewelry. It doesn't have to be terribly expensive. I once got my wife (ex-wife now) a turquoise necklace for $100 or so. Oh yes, she loved it (the divorce was over something else entirely, lol). I recently read an article on a stone called tanzanite. It's beautiful, natural, and not too pricey.
12. A new Quran with a wooden Quran stand, and handmade dhikr prayer beads for tasbeeha.
13. An Islamic artwork of some kind. I don't mean a framed poster of the Ka'bah (nothing wrong with that, I have one on my own wall, but it doesn't have that personal touch). I'm thinking more on the lines of a hand-painted canvas, calligraphy, engraved copperplate, engraved brass lamp, a mother-of-pearl plate or Islamic silver plate, etc. These can be hard to find in your locality but can sometimes be ordered online. The beautiful painting above depicts an old Arab home. It was painted by Abdallah Masad and is available at www.Doshiza.com
14.
15. A personalized photo locket. This would be a small metal locket on a chain, perhaps in a heart shape, with a personalized engraving on the outside, and a small photo inside.
16. Dinner at a nice restaurant. Someplace you would not go every day. It's always good to support Muslim-owned restaurants and Muslim businesses in general, if you have any in your area.
17. A beautiful flower vase, with fresh flowers in it.
18. A potted plant. Not something ordinary in a plastic pot, but something unusual like a bonsai, or a beautiful orchid, in an attractive ceramic planter.
19. A decorative photo frame with a photo of the two of you.
20. Is she a collector? If there's any type of art or craft that she likes or collects, get her one. Does she collect coins, stamps, glass figurines, home decorations with chickens on them (I'm not making that up)? Get her one.
21. A weekend trip somewhere. Even if you're not ready to go right now, make the reservations or by the tickets and let her know.
22. A new watch.
23. A pair of women's designer sunglasses.
24. If she likes gadgets, how about a new mobile phone, a Bluetooth mobile phone earpiece, a slim digital camera to fit in her purse, or even a laptop computer?
25. If she's into fitness, how about a new yoga mat, a bicycle, hiking shoes, tennis racket, etc? But only if she's already into it! Otherwise she'll take it as a hint that she's overweight :-)
26. If she's a working woman, how about a new briefcase? This tells her that you value and respect her work.
27. A set of natural bath products like soap, shampoo, bubble bath. Please try to buy cruelty-free products (not tested on animals).
28. Perfume oils. It helps if you know what she likes. If you don't, check what she's already got. Smell them and get to know the scents so you can pick something similar. But honestly, every husband should know his wife's favorite perfume.
29. A tea set, meaning tea pot, tea cups, and a collection of herbal teas.
30. A scented massage oil along with three handmade coupons saying, "Good for one massage on demand from your loving husband."
31. A gourmet basket with some of her favorite food treats, such as chocolates, cheeses, strawberries, or whatever you know to be her favorite tastes.
32. An attractive or artsy candle set, the kind they have in gift shops.
33. A subscription to a magazine for Muslim women, such as Aziza Magazine.
34. I'm hesitant to suggest this one because some women take it the wrong way or think it's unromantic, but something for the kitchen. A new kitchen appliance like a top-quality food processor, a set of quality cookware, etc. This is best for a woman who enjoys cooking.
35. In the same vein as #34, a set of Egyptian cotton towels for the bathrooms. These are wonderfully soft, but again it might be perceived as unromantic, so watch out. Caveat emptor!
36. An iPod that you have pre-loaded with Quran recitation by her favorite reciter, some of her favorite nasheeds, some good radio shows, etc. This is a wonderful gift for a woman who commutes, or who spends time every day on a treadmill, or even just to listen to while working or doing chores. This gift will take some money and some time to put together, but will give her hours of pleasure.
What NOT to get a Muslim woman as a gift:
1. Anything for cleaning the house, such as a vacuum cleaner, broom, mop, etc. This is like telling her that you see her only as a maid. Those things should be part of the normal household expenses, not gifts.
2. Groceries. True, if you don't normally do it then the gesture is nice, but it's too prosaic.
3. A sexy nightie. Not that this is un-Islamic, but it just seems a little tacky to me. It's like it's more for you than for her, if you get my meaning.
4. Anything that is really about you more than her, like a CD of your favorite band, a game box, a flat screen TV, etc. If you think that you might end up using it more than her, then chuck it and keep looking.
5. A "cool Muslim star and crescent cigarette lighter". Yes, I actually saw this on a website listed under "Muslim gifts."
Remember, pay attention and listen, and you'll never be short of gift ideas in the future.
An-Nikah The Marriage
An-Nikah
The Marriage
__________________________
by Mohammad Mazhar Hussaini
Mutual Agreement of Bride and Groom
Marriage (nikah) is a solemn and sacred social contract between bride and groom. This contract is a strong covenant (mithaqun Ghalithun) as expressed in Quran 4:21). The marriage contract in Islam is not a sacrament. It is revocable.
Both parties mutually agree and enter into this contract. Both bride and groom have the liberty to define various terms and conditions of their liking and make them a part of this contract.
Mahr
The marriage-gift (Mahr) is a divine injunction. The giving of mahr to the bride by the groom is an essential part of the contract.
'And give the women (on marriage) their mahr as a (nikah) free gift" (Quran 4:4)
Mahr is a token commitment of the husband's responsibility and may be paid in cash, property or movable objects to the bride herself. The amount of mahr is not legally specified, however, moderation according to the existing social norm is recommended. The mahr may be paid immediately to the bride at the time of marriage, or deferred to a later date, or a combination of both. The deferred mahr however, falls due in case of death or divorce.
One matrimonial party expresses 'ijab" willing consent to enter into marriage and the other party expresses 'qubul" acceptance of the responsibility in the assembly of marriage ceremony. The contract is written and signed by the bride and the groom and their two respective witnesses. This written marriage contract ("Aqd-Nikah) is then announced publicly.
Sermon
The assembly of nikah is addressed with a marriage sermon (khutba-tun-nikah) by the Muslim officiating the marriage. In marriage societies, customarily, a state appointed Muslim judge (Qadi) officiates the nikah ceremony and keeps the record of the marriage contract. However any trust worthy practicing Muslim can conduct the nikah ceremony, as Islam does not advocate priesthood. The documents of marriage contract/certificate are filed with the mosque (masjid) and local government for record.
Prophet Muhammad (S) made it his tradition (sunnah) to have marriage sermon delivered in the assembly to solemnize the marriage. The sermon invites the bride and the groom, as well as the participating guests in the assembly to a life of piety, mutual love, kindness, and social responsibility.
The Khutbah-tun-Nikah begins with the praise of Allah. His help and guidance is sought. The Muslim confession of faith that 'There is none worthy of worship except Allah and Muhammad is His servant and messenger" is declared. The three Quranic verses (Quran 4:1, 3:102, 33:70-71) and one Prophetic saying (hadith) form the main text of the marriage. This hadith is:
'By Allah! Among all of you I am the most God-fearing, and among you all, I am the supermost to save myself from the wrath of Allah, yet my state is that I observe prayer and sleep too. I observe fast and suspend observing them; I marry woman also. And he who turns away from my Sunnah has no relation with me". (Bukhari)
The Muslim officiating the marriage ceremony concludes the ceremony with prayer (Dua) for bride, groom, their respective families, the local Muslim community, and the Muslim community at large (Ummah)
Marriage (nikah) is considered as an act of worship (ibadah). It is virtuous to conduct it in a Mosque keeping the ceremony simple. The marriage ceremony is a social as well as a religious activity. Islam advocates simplicity in ceremonies and celebrations.
Prophet Muhammad (S) considered simple weddings the best weddings:
'The best wedding is that upon which the least trouble and expense is bestowed". (Mishkat)
Primary Requirements
1) Mutual agreement (Ijab-O-Qubul) by the bride and the groom
2) Two adult and sane witnesses
3) Mahr (marriage-gift) to be paid by the groom to the bride either immediately (muajjal) or deferred (muakhkhar), or a combination of both
Secondary Requirements
1) Legal guardian (wakeel) representing the bride
2) Written marriage contract ("Aqd-Nikah) signed by the bride and the groom and witnesses by two adult and sane witnesses
3) Qadi (State appointed Muslim judge) or Ma'zoon (a responsible person officiating the marriage ceremony)
4) Khutba-tun-Nikah to solemnize the marriage
The Marriage Banquet (Walima)
After the consummation of the marriage, the groom holds a banquet called a walima. The relatives, neighbors, and friends are invited in order to make them aware of the marriage. Both rich and poor of the family and community are invited to the marriage feasts.
Prophet Muhammad (S) said:
'The worst of the feasts are those marriage feasts to which the rich are invited and the poor are left out". (Mishkat)
It is recommended that Muslims attend marriage ceremonies and marriage feasts upon invitation.
Prophet Muhammad (S) said:
"...and he who refuses to accept an invitation to a marriage feast, verily disobeys Allah and His Prophet". (Ahmad & Abu Dawood)
Printed with permission: Marriage and Family in Islam by Mohammad Mazhar Hussaini
LIFE BEFORE:
Purpose and Obligation
6 Etiquettes of Seeking a Spouse
How to help Muslims get married, Tips for parents and Imams
How ISNA Matrimonial Service works
Whom to Marry: Selecting a Partner
An-Nikah: The Marriage Ceremony
LIFE AFTER:
Ideal Muslim Husband: a review
Muslim Women Working Outside the Home
Tips for Better Husband and Wife Relationship
The Marriage
__________________________
by Mohammad Mazhar Hussaini
Mutual Agreement of Bride and Groom
Marriage (nikah) is a solemn and sacred social contract between bride and groom. This contract is a strong covenant (mithaqun Ghalithun) as expressed in Quran 4:21). The marriage contract in Islam is not a sacrament. It is revocable.
Both parties mutually agree and enter into this contract. Both bride and groom have the liberty to define various terms and conditions of their liking and make them a part of this contract.
Mahr
The marriage-gift (Mahr) is a divine injunction. The giving of mahr to the bride by the groom is an essential part of the contract.
'And give the women (on marriage) their mahr as a (nikah) free gift" (Quran 4:4)
Mahr is a token commitment of the husband's responsibility and may be paid in cash, property or movable objects to the bride herself. The amount of mahr is not legally specified, however, moderation according to the existing social norm is recommended. The mahr may be paid immediately to the bride at the time of marriage, or deferred to a later date, or a combination of both. The deferred mahr however, falls due in case of death or divorce.
One matrimonial party expresses 'ijab" willing consent to enter into marriage and the other party expresses 'qubul" acceptance of the responsibility in the assembly of marriage ceremony. The contract is written and signed by the bride and the groom and their two respective witnesses. This written marriage contract ("Aqd-Nikah) is then announced publicly.
Sermon
The assembly of nikah is addressed with a marriage sermon (khutba-tun-nikah) by the Muslim officiating the marriage. In marriage societies, customarily, a state appointed Muslim judge (Qadi) officiates the nikah ceremony and keeps the record of the marriage contract. However any trust worthy practicing Muslim can conduct the nikah ceremony, as Islam does not advocate priesthood. The documents of marriage contract/certificate are filed with the mosque (masjid) and local government for record.
Prophet Muhammad (S) made it his tradition (sunnah) to have marriage sermon delivered in the assembly to solemnize the marriage. The sermon invites the bride and the groom, as well as the participating guests in the assembly to a life of piety, mutual love, kindness, and social responsibility.
The Khutbah-tun-Nikah begins with the praise of Allah. His help and guidance is sought. The Muslim confession of faith that 'There is none worthy of worship except Allah and Muhammad is His servant and messenger" is declared. The three Quranic verses (Quran 4:1, 3:102, 33:70-71) and one Prophetic saying (hadith) form the main text of the marriage. This hadith is:
'By Allah! Among all of you I am the most God-fearing, and among you all, I am the supermost to save myself from the wrath of Allah, yet my state is that I observe prayer and sleep too. I observe fast and suspend observing them; I marry woman also. And he who turns away from my Sunnah has no relation with me". (Bukhari)
The Muslim officiating the marriage ceremony concludes the ceremony with prayer (Dua) for bride, groom, their respective families, the local Muslim community, and the Muslim community at large (Ummah)
Marriage (nikah) is considered as an act of worship (ibadah). It is virtuous to conduct it in a Mosque keeping the ceremony simple. The marriage ceremony is a social as well as a religious activity. Islam advocates simplicity in ceremonies and celebrations.
Prophet Muhammad (S) considered simple weddings the best weddings:
'The best wedding is that upon which the least trouble and expense is bestowed". (Mishkat)
Primary Requirements
1) Mutual agreement (Ijab-O-Qubul) by the bride and the groom
2) Two adult and sane witnesses
3) Mahr (marriage-gift) to be paid by the groom to the bride either immediately (muajjal) or deferred (muakhkhar), or a combination of both
Secondary Requirements
1) Legal guardian (wakeel) representing the bride
2) Written marriage contract ("Aqd-Nikah) signed by the bride and the groom and witnesses by two adult and sane witnesses
3) Qadi (State appointed Muslim judge) or Ma'zoon (a responsible person officiating the marriage ceremony)
4) Khutba-tun-Nikah to solemnize the marriage
The Marriage Banquet (Walima)
After the consummation of the marriage, the groom holds a banquet called a walima. The relatives, neighbors, and friends are invited in order to make them aware of the marriage. Both rich and poor of the family and community are invited to the marriage feasts.
Prophet Muhammad (S) said:
'The worst of the feasts are those marriage feasts to which the rich are invited and the poor are left out". (Mishkat)
It is recommended that Muslims attend marriage ceremonies and marriage feasts upon invitation.
Prophet Muhammad (S) said:
"...and he who refuses to accept an invitation to a marriage feast, verily disobeys Allah and His Prophet". (Ahmad & Abu Dawood)
Printed with permission: Marriage and Family in Islam by Mohammad Mazhar Hussaini
LIFE BEFORE:
Purpose and Obligation
6 Etiquettes of Seeking a Spouse
How to help Muslims get married, Tips for parents and Imams
How ISNA Matrimonial Service works
Whom to Marry: Selecting a Partner
An-Nikah: The Marriage Ceremony
LIFE AFTER:
Ideal Muslim Husband: a review
Muslim Women Working Outside the Home
Tips for Better Husband and Wife Relationship
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